Sep 27 I’m not scared of asthma, just sad.

My little angel has already been through more than most her age, she has spent 24 weeks casted thanks to DDH, she is extra wobbly thanks to hyper-mobility and now she has the official diagnosis of asthma.  I am not scared of asthma and I don’t dare underestimate it.  I grew up with my brother as a chronic asthmatic.  I woke more than once (nearer 50+) to find our hallway with lights on and doctors present.  The constant hummmm of a nebulizer became my background noise.  At times I was jealous of the attention, but I personally have never felt that constricted airway, never gasped for the breath that doesn’t come easily.  I watched for warning signs, like him scratching his chin a sure sign he was wheezy.

I am not scared of asthma.  I know the inhalers, the steroids and their effects.  The magic pills that taste horrid but open the airways.  The fact that they pile on weight but ensure a child can breathe.  I am not scared of asthma.

But I am sad.  I knew anyway. Erin has been treated for ‘asthmatic tendencies’ since the start.  She already has had countless bouts of steroids.  She has been hospitalised with bronchiolitis and chest infections.  We have done emergency dashes to A&E with her gasping for breath.  Each and every time she has undergone her general anesthetics I have said she may have asthma or she gets wheezy.  The last time she had a long operation the anesthetist explained they’d had difficulties.  That her breathing wasn’t good.  That she’d needed extra help.  She had struggled.   Now that does scare me.  I watch Holby etc and although I know that is a drama it scares me what might have happened in theatre.  It was enough to stay in hospital days longer than we expected.  Enough to be have IV antibiotics and meds inserted internally as she was so poorly. 

But still I’m not scared I am just sad.  Sad that this is yet another medical condition that Erin has to deal with.  The child has handled so much and yet she still smiles and lives each day to the max.  Whilst I thank my lucky stars that her medical conditions are not life threatening I am still sad that she deals with so much. 

Today her doctor took a look at her, could hear her whistling away and said that it is about time we called her an asthmatic and gave her a treatment plan.  Erin is on steroids to get this bout under control and she has preventatives to start on after.  I am not surprised.  I am just a little sad.