It’s that time of year again and my nerves are literally eating my insides. Probably why I have spectacularly failed at dieting today. I feel sick at the thought of Monday and have been blocking out the date until now. Erin has hip Xrays on Monday. She will once again lie on the bed whilst she is once again radiated. The procedure will last a few seconds but that image will be forwarded to Erin’s surgeon. As we walk back into his room I will steel myself to look at the image. Knowing myself what it needs to look like. I am hoping that my untrained, unqualified eye will glimpse a deeper socket and a femoral head that shows growth. My eyes will dart from side to side as I look for symmetry that will keep us away from the surgeons knife.
I will feel anxious whilst Erin will be happily sitting next to me unaware at just how much I am holding my breath. I will remember the day I first met her surgeon when he outlined his treatment plan. How my eyes smarted as I sat there trying to take in this new terminology that would soon trip off my tongue. I remember signing forms before I stumbled back out and into the carpark. As I strapped Erin into her carseat as a almost two year old the tears fell. Fast, hot and furious tears. I had just learnt what the reality of a late diagnosis of DDH involved.
Monday I will be back there. Sitting in the same waiting room watching the clock and waiting. That late diagnosis means that these yearly visits will always feel like this. We have been told that Erin will not get the all claer for many years yet. It is not known if and when more surgery will be needed. What we have been told is that more is probable more surgery will be needed, whether that is in childhood, in her teens or as a young adult we are playing the waiting game to find out.
I hope beyond hope that Monday gives us a pass for another year. My beautiful girl is starting school in September and I just want her to start with her peers and have no treatments looming. Her hypermobility will still cause her issues but knowing her hip is growing will be amazing. I do worry that her generally loose joints means that her hip could slip i just hope the socket is deep enough. On the outside it all seems to be getting better, she walks further now and she falls less, surely those are good signs.
If praying is your thing please do, and if not just wishing us well and positive thoughts will help too.