I am rather tired this week. I could easily have gone to bed at 9pm yesterday. The end of term is coming and with it the promise of lie ins, the children all day and lack of routine. Yet rather than taking myself to bed once the teens have gone I then start faffing on the internet.
As a blogger it is an occupational hazard to be online so much, but if the truth be told, I choose to spend the evening doing nothing much on the internet. It is a distraction.
From when the children walk in the door at 4pm after school, they niggle. They are no worse than any others I am sure, but we are certainly in a phase of niggling. They mimic each other, they wind each other up. Someone will shout, someone will be told to stay in their room.
At 7pm Erin goes to bed and things calm a little. Then Chloe and Dyl will sit in the living room and they will bicker about what to watch on TV. They will argue if one is taking up too much space on sofa. They will cut each other off mid sentence when having a conversation.
This is all normal family life. Mine are no better no worse than others I am sure.
Then from 9.30 they go to bed or at least up to their rooms.
I should go to bed at this point because I am usually tired. I will be rudely awoken by my alarm at 7.15am. I will try to ignore the passing of minutes. Erin will come in and tell me to get up. And I wish I had gone to bed a little earlier.
So why don’t I go to bed at 10pm, why am I still up gone past 11pm?
Because I just need some space. I need to have no-one speak to me. I need to watch nothing on TV and need some silence.
When the children were teeny I would go to bed at 9pm because I was physically exhausted. I always needed more sleep. I knew I would be woken in the night. That rarely happens now thankfully and I am still tired.
Now I stay up because they stay up longer. I need some evening of my own, some time of not listening to them
Does that make me seem ungrateful, do I sound selfish?
Parenting teenagers is fun, loud, and full of hormones and sometimes I just want quiet.
I miss the babies that they were and look at these huge teenagers that are taller than me. I marvel at the adults they are becoming and want to savour the moment. Time is racing by and I flit between rushing them along and wanting to pause for a while.
So to the mum’s of little ones I say catch the moment and to mum’s of teens I salute you. Look how far they have come, look at what we have made and created.
Even when they are loud and even though we sit up till 11pm just to get some peace. We rock.