An anniversary I’d rather not remember

The start of November is an anniversary of Erin having her first surgery for ddh or hip dysplasia.  It is not an anniversary where we send cards or swap gifts but it is a date etched in memory.  A date imprinted on my every breath, a date that shouldn’t be so significant.  For others the date of diagnosis or the date of the spica cast coming off may mean more but that first surgery is the one that I cannot fail to remember.  It wasn’t even the longest more complicated surgery, that one came some six months later.  It wasn’t the pins coming out and with it my hope resting that those pins had done their work.   It was November 2012 as she started the treatment, the closed reduction that preceded the pelvic osteotomy.

When you look at Erin people say ‘you wouldn’t know what she has been through would you?’

and I smile, I might nod but I’m sure my eyes tell a different story.  For where others no longer see a limp, I see a scar.  Where others see a typical six year old, I see a little girl that fears hospitals and theatres.  Where others see Erin running with her friends, I see that she can not ride a bike yet or climb with confidence.

However with every November that comes around I thank my lucky stars, I proclaim that I am grateful and I am.  On the whole! Erin’s hip is looking good – it doesn’t look like yours or mine but it’s growing, its adapting and time is a great healer.  We don’t know if and when more surgery will be needed and it does hang over me at times like a black cloud. I do worry about needing more surgery but we will cross that bridge if it happens.

But because of ddh I don’t take anything for granted and when today we went to Bristol to take part in Gung Ho for a 5K run with 7 obstacles I knew it would be a huge achievement for most six years and even more so for Erin.  We arrived donned our numbers and warmed up ready.  As we started I watched Lee, Chloe and Dylan race ahead.  Erin and I were going at Erin’s pace and she took off running and chatting.  She had no idea just how far 5K was.  She climbed, she ran a little and we mostly walked.  We walked hand in hand and a few times she fell.  On more than one occasion she complained she couldn’t keep going.  But there was no option, we had started and we had to finish.

Erin amazed me, she kept going, we used all the how to develop a growth mindset tricks and terminology that we could and she kept going.  As we neared the end she was buzzing, she was proud of herself and I got emotional!

The race was much like her ddh journey, we started out worried, we didn’t know what obstacles lay before us and it was the unknown.  We then got into our stride and matched our pace before hitting some lows.  But then we would renew our energy and see the light at the end.  Half way through the run Erin told me that she couldn’t and wouldn’t do this again.  That mirrored how I felt when we had six weeks out of spica but the ‘big operation’ the osteotomy was looming and I didn’t think that I could do it again.  But we kept going as we had no choice.

As we stood and watched the fireworks after the run I held her hand and I kept telling her just how proud of her I am.  She smashed it.  It was another win for us.  DDH – Erin owned you tonight!

We maybe four years post that first November but there are others just starting this journey and yesterday another DDH mum shared with me that there journey is not as successful as ours.  That a mum who has been on this journey the same length of time as me heard that her daughter will be needing hip replacements sooner rather than later.  That her hips are not strong enough and that the surgeries haven’t done what was hoped.  My heart broke for them.

So when I hear ‘you wouldn’t know would you?’ I smile and I nod but I know every second of everyday.  It is why completing a 5K run is an amazing achievement for an amazing little girl.

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