Parenting older teenagers in lockdown brings many challenges and I worry that this self-isolation will have a lasting impact on their independence. Teenagers should be naturally pushing boundaries a little, it is how they learn to manage themselves and an important part of growing up. This is why I feel that older teenagers are lockdowns casualties and I don’t think enough thought or support is in place for them. Schools have been slow to help their older students, especially Y11 & 13 as they are at a transitional stage in their education anyway.
How to parent older teenagers when they can’t do much is a real issue for parents and carers. Relationships are on hold and so is progressing into adulthood. The house may be calm as there are no vocal discussions on what time they have to be home and whether everyone else parents are letting them do x,y and z but I feel we are storing up problems for the future. My son and his friends are compliant at staying indoors and he hasn’t asked to go anywhere other than a run with his dad or me but everything has changed for him. He now has no exams and no official leaving school ceremony and it is no wonder he is staying in bed until midday and finding it really hard to motivate himself. Whilst we waiting to see when younger children head back to school, undoubtedly yr11 and 13 won’t be going anywhere and will have spent six months in isolation at a crucial developmental stage.
My 16-year-old should be getting his first part-time job. He actually had already made tentative steps to being offered work and was planning on taking it up once GCSE exams were completed. Instead, there is unlikely to be any paid work for a 16-year-old in retail in the next few months.
That first job is really important too, I often tell my teenagers that this is the best time to earn money as they have no outgoings so the money they earn is worth so much more. It is theirs to spend and save as they see fit. They have no bills and very little, if any, financial responsibility. This is the time to really understand the value of work and money. It is the time that they make those links and can inspire them for what they aim for in the future. Many learn to budget in a safe way. They often get paid monthly and will need to work out how to make it last. At this point it doesn’t matter if they blow it, they just have to realise they don’t have anything left for the rest of the month. If they don’t learn these important skills in late teens it can impact into their twenties and beyond. By not being able to get a part time job now they are delaying learning how to manage their money and time.
My eldest went to her first festival after GCSE’s she learned to put up a tent (along with her best friends) and they learned valuable skills of travelling without parents and being responsible for each other. They had the best time, despite coming home knackered and filthy.
Summer holidays after exams are long and bring a well deserved break from studying. The kids grow so much in this short space of time. The wings are unclipped and they mature. They will make mistakes along the way. I remember my eldest’s first real hangover after over-indulging and the odd party that our local police needed to break up. These are all learning experiences for teenagers and an important part of becoming independent.
Right now all these rites of passages have been put on hold and whilst that makes for an easy parenting win we are not helping our teens in the long run.
There isn’t much we can do in lockdown but getting your teenagers to do something will help keep them motivated and maturing. You could pay your teen to do a few jobs around the home, paint fences for example, walk the dog. This will give them the opportunity to earn some money and still budget. You could give them responsibility for the weekly shop, could they meal plan to a budget. For more ideas check out 30+ activities for teenagers in lockdown.
I would love to know how your teenagers are doing with lockdown and I also have a Facebook group where like minded parents are supporting each other at this time.
