We all know that parenting children and teenagers doesn’t come with a manual and there are some scenarios that come up time and time again. I see the teenage years as a bridge between childhood and adulthood. During this time our young people need to develop their independence within the safety and parameters of their family. One of the key questions for parents is ‘how to know if your child is ready to go to town alone?’
The legal stuff
Legally there is no law that tells us when the right time is to let a child go into town alone or with friends, in the same way, there is no legal age for leaving children home alone. Instead it needs to be a decision based on the individual child.
My memories
I remember my first trips into town on a Saturday afternoon when I was about 12. We would catch the bus and wander the shops including looking at posters in Athena before heading to a pic and mix sweet shop. My mum actually worked in town so we would also pop in to see her, generally on the off chance that she would give me a couple more pound! It was an exciting time and I felt grown up.
As a parent it is different, you imagine all the things that could go wrong but having been through this twice before with my older teenagers I feel ready for when Erin starts pushing for more independence over the next few years.
Of course, there is no exact answer to the question when is the right age to start going shopping with friends but as a teacher who has a vast amount of experience of working with young people I suggest a staged approach to giving tweens and teenagers more independence.
Growing Independence
The transition to secondary school is an important rite of passage and at this time many children start making their own way to and from school on their own. This is good preparation for starting to be out alone or with friends. Some children will be using buses to travel to school, some will cycle and others walk. In the summer before starting secondary school you will want to do a practise run ensuring your child is ready for this.
Going into town with friends generally happens once children are at secondary school and have already started being a little more independent.
I have used being allowed into town with friends as a reward in the past and there are benefits to giving them this independence. Children learn important life skills from these trips into town with friends.
What is the right age to start going shopping with friends?
As I have said there is no exact guidance on this but consider the following points before making your decision.
- Trust, you need to be sure that you can trust your child to behave in town. CCTV means behaviour is monitored and you do not want to discover that your child has caused a nuisance in shops.
- Make sure that they are happy about it. They may feel pressured to do things they are not ready for if their friends are doing it. Talk to your child about whether they feel ready for this next stage of independence, let them know they don’t have to go even if their peer group are. Remember there is a 11 month age gap in a school year so not all children will be ready for going into town with friends at the same time in the year.
- Set some rules. Discuss where they are allowed to go when in town. Is any area out of bounds?
- Build things up step by step. Maybe the first time you could let your child and friend go for a wander but you stay in town too. Go grab a coffee, give them an hour or so and meet up again. Sometimes baby steps work best.
- Next time maybe drop them off and pick them up so that they are not using public transport. Give them more freedom as they demonstrate maturity and that they follow your expectations.
- Give set times they are allowed to be out and return home so that everyone is on the same page. Be flexible though things do happen like missing a bus. Just make sure they keep in communication with you.
- I would suggest that many children are ready for this level of independence age 12 or so.
The benefits for your child
Young teenagers will learn life skills from this growing independence which is why it is important that you do let your children grow up and have these experiences. If you helicopter parent your children you run the risk of micro managing them and not teaching them about responsibility.
It is right to question how to know if your child is ready to go to town alone? But the time will come when they need more freedom.
Young people will learn the following by being given this responsibility:
- Time management which is important for all parts of life. Children will learn how to manage their time and how long things take.
- Money management, they will need to budget the money and start to understand how much a milkshake costs and the bus and how often they can treat themselves to these things.
- Young people will learn how to read a bus timetable and manage to get from place to place which is an important skill.
The NSPCC has more advice in their Out Alone Guide if you are still undecided on what is best for you and your child. Deciding the correct age to give your child more freedom and independence is challenging for parents. As a mum who has been there twice as soon as you have one dilemma solved know that another is on the way! Parenting teenagers is full of these decisions, you will soon be thinking about dating, first solo holidays and when to start revision and how to choose A Levels!
Honestly it’s never ending as our children cross that bridge in adulthood! All we can do is guide them, keep communicating and hope it all turns out ok!
