As teenagers learn and develop, they want and need more responsibility. It’s an important part of their growth and development. But it can be hard for us parents to let go – here are some ideas for finding a balance in shifting teenage responsibilities for us to them.
Teenage is a critical phase of life. It is roughly equal to the period of adolescence, the transitional period between childhood and adulthood. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), an adolescent is any person between 10-19 years of age.
How quickly you hand over responsibility to your teen is up to you. It depends on things like your own comfort level, your family and cultural traditions, and your child’s maturity.
It is usual for teenagers to grow apart from their parents. They can become more rebellious and prefer taking risks. Also, they develop the ability of critical thinking and cognitive skills. Teenagers are full of energy and curiosity. They fancy exploring things, seek romantic and sexual relationships with their peers, and try tobacco, alcohol, and other drugs. There are many books that explore this including Blame My Teenage Brain by Nicola Morgan who explains that during the teenage years the brain is undergoing its most radical and fundamental change since the age of two.
Risks associated with teen years
- Drug addiction
- Unprotected sexual activity and teenage pregnancy
- Gun violence
- Inappropriate social media use
- Dangerous driving
- Fighting
- Other illegal behaviours
- Suicides
- Anxiety and depression
Although they prefer to be more independent, they still need parental care to some extent to overcome these risks. As a parent, your attitude towards your child has a massive impact on their personality and behaviour.
1.Guide them but do not handle them
When your child was a kid, you handled most of their problems. When he/she grows up into an adolescent, they often become more independent and stubborn. They prefer finding their own ways of solving problems. Allowing them to learn through their mistakes and to take responsibility for their actions is imperative to shape their personality and behavior.
However, they still need your help to pass through difficult situations. Helping them with their things during this phase of life is tricky. Do not try to handle them directly by giving orders and pulling them along your problem-solving path. Instead, guide them through the process by standing side by side, enabling them to find solutions by themselves. We all have different parenting styles but if you have been a helicopter parent you may find this harder than those who free range parent.
2.Love your child and build a healthy relationship with him
Your teen child may favour spending more time with their peers, with a mobile phone or computer. You may feel that they are growing apart from you, have become stubborn and not listening to you. They may become aggressive and moody when you try to control them. Even though that sounds annoying, do not disregard them.
No matter how much they want to be independent, they still seek your care, love, and affection, but you have to show your affection in the right manner.
Listen to your child, communicate with them, and be careful not to yell at them when you find their blunders, always be friendly, and handle the situation patiently. I often tell myself that I need to choose my battles as some are more important than others. Having boundaries helps with shifting teenage responsibilities, for example, they have set chores to complete but I let them decide when they have to be done by. If I ask Dylan to walk the dog, it must be done but he can chose when during the day he does it.
Spend quality time with them, go on family outings, take meals together, and watch TV together. That will make them feel safe around you. They will trust you with their secrets. Thus, you do not have to force them to tell you anything. They will willingly discuss their matters with you.
Building an effective relationship with your teen child is crucial to protect them from risks associated with adolescence.
3.Support and encourage them
Teenagers think with more complexity than kids. They become fully aware of who they are and who they want to be in the future. As a parent, it is your responsibility to support and encourage your child to find their path, make right decisions, and achieve their goals.
Teenagers often get into trouble because of their obstinate decisions. Though you can ignore their bad behaviour, you should never snub them. Be supportive when they are in trouble and support them to take necessary corrective actions to get through the situation.
4.Respect their decisions
Your teen may have plans for their future. Some of their choices may seem absurd to you. However, never force them to make or change decisions. Explain the consequences of a wrong decision instead. It will help them to understand the convenience of their choice on their own.
Every child has unique talents and wishes. Respecting their choices will assist them in developing their self-esteem. That will allow them to become successful in any path they choose.
5.Give appropriate responsibilities
Gaining the ability to handle responsibilities has a massive influence on teenage personality development.
Permit them to be responsible for their actions, you can’t force them to go to school, do their homework, or to get up and dressed up in the morning, but encourage and be honest with them.
To some extent, teenagers are capable of living their life on their own. It does not mean that you should sit back and let them do whatever they want. You have to continue monitoring and supervising them to a certain degree.
You can start by giving them responsibilities on simple tasks initially, such as allowing them to get up in the morning on their own to go to school. When you feel they are proficient in handling small responsibilities, increase the weight of their duties gradually. No matter how qualified they are, make sure to keep an eye on them. When they look less responsible, explain the outcomes to them, or let them learn from the experience when it is safe. These shifting teenage responsibilities take time and should be a gradual learning experience where our teens don’t feel overwhelmed but rather, they are supported toward more independence.
6.Give them some space but keep an eye on
Teenagers prefer to spend time with their mates. Even if they are at home, they try to spend more time in their room surfing through social media. They will also look for romantic and sexual relationships.
This behaviour of teens is natural. They will need some space. But, giving too much freedom to your child can draw them into disasters such as getting wrongly into relationships, drug addictions, teenage pregnancies, violent behaviours, etc.
Hence, you have to stay alert, acknowledge perilous events quickly, and take appropriate actions before anything goes wrong.
Being a parent of a teenager is challenging. Though your child seems to be growing distant, he/she still needs your love, attention, acceptance, and support to pass this difficult yet wonderful time of their life. The bridge from teenager to adult is short but filled with obstacles, we can help with the shifting teenage responsibilities by preparing them emotionally for the transition to independence. Your actions have a tremendous impact on your teen child’s life. Become their role model, be there for them, encourage them, respect their decisions, and ensure their happiness and safety during this phase of their life.
