The adrenaline has been replaced by exhaustion. Being a working mum is tough, being a working mum with poorly kids is a nightmare. I am beyond stressed out with how I am supposed to manage the next six weeks. Having had a toddler in spica for 24 weeks you’d be forgiven for thinking six weeks in a half leg cast for a teenagers broken ankle would be a doddle.
So did I at first.
Surgery was familiar and didn’t worry me too much, cast care hmm I can cope with that. However, washing a teenagers hair isn’t as simple as it was with Erin laid on the draining board. Helping a teenager hop up and down stairs isn’t actually as easy as carrying a toddler spica. Helping a teenager occupy herself isn’t even as easy as playing with a toddler. Plus the toddler has naps in the day – the teenager didn’t!
I feel so torn. I am a mum, that is my biggest achievement, my proudest accolade and my priority. Yet I am a working mum and I am so torn. I wish with a simple phone call I could stay at home with my girl, drive her to and from school whilst she is in cast. That I would be there for her hospital appointment next Monday. Yet I can’t, instead I am frantically searching for a safe way to get her to school when she is ready to return. I am negotiating with the bus company, I am planning taxi’s for stand by.
I had to make a call to work explaining that chloe is broken, that I needed a day off and whilst everyone sympathised I heard the voice in my own head saying ‘off again’. I have only been back a short while. I only warned school last week that Erin is likely to be having grommets fitted soon. I will need to be home.
I feel so useless that I am doing neither role well and neither role is getting what is required from me. I can’t believe our bad luck, but then get cross with myself because in the grand scheme things are not serious. I thought I was done with hospitals for a while and yet in the past week two of my three children have found themselves at their mercy. Next week will be an appointment for Chloe to see if those little bones have realigned correctly and an appointment with Erin to discuss her ear treatment.
Until then, I will keep floundering, trying my best.