As a mum to a 20 and 16-year-old the thought of being locked up together for days and weeks on end might have seen like a recipe for disaster. However I am seeing lots of positives in our family life and wanted to share some of our positive parenting for teenagers wins to help you and your teenagers cope during lockdown.
How positive parenting has helped my teenagers cope with quarantine
I am enjoying this extra time with my teens, time usually rushes by so fast that we take the small things for granted. Our eldest lives away at Plymouth University and she came home the week before lockdown began once lectures had been moved online. I feel like we have been given some bonus time with her before she fully flies the nest. We will all remember this time because it is so vastly different from normal life. Gone are the everyday pressures, it is like we are in our own bubble and whilst the world news is pretty horrific I can still take pleasure in the small things I am seeing in my home and in my family.
We have long subscribed to a positive parenting model. We don’t always get it right but we have always tried to calm parent and there is not much we say no too. We set boundaries around the things they do, but we generally look at how the children can do things rather than not do them. Chloe started going to festivals at 16 and Dylan travels the country watching football. This approach has worked for us and it means when we do say no they understand that it must be for a good reason.
Positive parenting can be a powerful approach especially during lockdown when you’re all stuck in the same place. The idea is to focus on your child’s strengths rather than trying to correct their weaknesses. That’s why some people call it strength-based parenting.
During this time of lockdown, our positive parenting approach is paying off. They understand the restrictions in place and our house has been calm. We let the older two go to bed when they want but I do ask Dylan to get up about 10.30/ 11 to keep some daylight hours!
1. The teenagers are being more helpful around the house. Usually, there are so many distractions and things they are doing that they fail to see what needs to be done. Now they are washing the dishes each evening and helping out a little more.
2. They are baking and have even offered to cook dinner. I know that Chloe looks after herself at University but she has never cooked for us. She has offered to cook us a chilli which is apparently her signature dish. We have been eating lots more home-cooked meals and Dylan was helping to peel and chop veggies which gave us a nice opportunity to chat about things.
3. Dylan is not now doing his GCSE’s and has no work to do for school as he heads into the transition to A Levels. However, I have tasked him with helping Erin with her Maths and mark the work she has been doing.
4. I have heard them proper belly laughing as they share things they have found on Youtube or social media and it makes me smile. We have properly laughed at the dinner table when they have shared silly stories or remember things that have happened in the past. We have gone from eating together once a week or so to every day and that is something I am treasuring.
5. We have played board games together which we haven’t done for a while.
6. I am really enjoying teaching Erin, she is a sponge and soaks things up. We are reading together which we had got out of the habit of doing and I’m enjoying that one to one time with her. Rather than saying no I am finding the ability to say yes and after all this is over I know I need to make the time to still say yes to playing and reading with her. Reading Skellig has provided us with so many natural learning and just today we have been talking and learning about evolution and adaptation in habitats. Something I would never have addressed with her.
7. The kids often are busy with their own lives and friends and yet I have seen their relationships blossoming as they reconnect and find things to do together. The older two have been playing darts (can I claim that’s a mental maths lesson) and also been going on their social walk together. I think this will bring them closer together which again is great as they get older and will need to nurture their relationship without interference from mum and dad.
We could never have predicted this lockdown happening but it is bringing with it some good and my teenagers are coping with lockdown better than I had thought. I know that it can be hard to see the good when people are dying but there is some.
We are living in a time of high stress so do try to see the good and tell your teenagers when you see them doing good. We all respond to praise afterall. What have your wins been this week?
