When Amy Chau’s memoir was first released it caused a storm, especially in the USA due to the parenting style she chose. I remember reading some reviews and being horrified by some of the incidents being recalled. Therefore when Bloomsbury offered to send me a copy to read for myself I was intrigued. As a sociology teacher, culture is a topic and theme that I teach and discuss on an almost daily basis. I enjoy understanding, celebrating and critiquing other cultures especially their child rearing practises and family lifestyles.
I found The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother a brilliant read. Amy writes so well, often comical and always honest. The book details how Amy was bringing up her two daughters and how she adopted a Chinese parenting style. A style that bans playdates and what she sees as pointless activities. The Chinese approach believes that children need to be taught to excel in what they do. Out goes unjustified praise and in comes criticism, like the time she rejected their homemade cards for not being good enoug (yes – really). Over time Amy has to adopt her methods as her second daughter is less compliant than the first. The book begins to measure both the girls academic success and their happiness. Happiness doesn’t feature heavily at the start, but Amy recognises her own parenting failures and begins to value happiness more. The book does not set out to be a guide, it is her experience, it is their story.
If I am seeringly honest a fair bit of me has a real empathy for Amy. She is a determined and driven mummy, she comes from a successful background and expects no less from her daughters. How honest. How refreshing.
I have often noted and wondered how the really successful individuals in society were brought up. Many attended the best schools in the country, there still exists an old tie network and I don’t believe for one minute that we live in a meritocracy. Amy’s Chinese parenting show what is required in order to reach the highest accolades, it was about who they knew in addition to 24/7 teaching she gave her children.
The story also unfolds and lets us know how the girls really feel about their mother. The postscript includes a letter from her daughter to the New York Post, this offers another viewpoint to the parenting approach.
I would encourage parents to read this book, whether you adopt a strict approach or a more child led approach I think it is fascinating. There were some bits that were uncomfortable to read and made me recoil but there were other lessons to be learnt, especially about pushing children to reach their potential and not letting them give up at the first obstacle.
I would love to know what others have made of the memoir which has just been released as a paperback with the additional post script. I couldn’t put the book down and found it so thought provoking no matter what your own personal parenting style is.
Disclosure: The book was gifted to me for the purpose of the review, although the thoughts and opinions are all my own.
