It has been eight months since my nan died. I don’t cry everyday anymore but on a weekly basis it is still hard. I have said goodbye to both nan’s (so much for the national statistics on woman outliving men) but learning to live without grandparents is hard. As a child grandparents place you on a pedestal – grandparents are able to always be the good guy. They don’t tend to admonish or challenge you on your faults they just bring you sweets each Saturday and make you pancakes for tea.
Which is why they leave a gaping hole.
I try to see my granddads as much as I can and life isn’t easy for either them now. One with dementia and one struggling with grief. I adore my grandads and cannot imagine a time when they are not in my life either. I know I’m lucky, one of the joys I guess of having a gymslip mum (mum was 19 dad 21) is that I have had active grandparents in my life so long. My own children are the same as I was also a young mum, I’m not yet 40 and the teen is almost 16 (you do the Maths).
Therefore when I walked to school this morning with an almost six year old I should not have been thrown as her hand nestled into mine and she shrank into my side. As I said goodbye she whispered that she misses nanny. I caught my breath, smiled and told her that I do to. That missing Nanny is expected and fine and that its normal. Have a lovely day and see you later.
I walked away feeling the tears prick my eyes, luckily my sister in law was there to pat me on my way. Each Wednesday I go and have a cup of coffee with granddad and he too was having a tough morning. He was sorting Christmas cards and it had unsettled him too. My little lady had already facetimed him, unbeknown to me before school. There seems to be something special in that, something I cannot put my finger on but why had she facetimed when they were both feeling sad?
Erin didn’t have the opportunity to know my other nan and develop a relationship. She had met her, been cuddled by her but Erin was a baby. Yet of all the children Erin resembles her the most.
Erin will be six next week and she is the most caring little thing. She has been shaped by her great grandmothers. Erin is incredibly intuitive and I know she has inherited their characteristics. For that I am glad.
One Response
Hugs lovely. It’s hard to lose s grandparent. I lost my last one 12 years ago just after I lost my dad & it was hard. I still miss her every day. Like you know, it gets easier each day, but you always miss them. Feel for you & sending you lots of love x