Most of us will lose people at some point in our lives. Everyone deals with it differently. If this happens to someone you know, you might feel not feel confident in your ability to comfort and support them. Some people seem to instinctively know how to do this but for most people, they have to try and work out the best way to handle it.
But it’s during times like these that people need the most support from you. In this article, we’re going to look at some of the things you can do to help.
Understand The Grieving Process
You’re probably already familiar with the five stages of grief. These are the psychological stages that many people go through when processing a trauma. The five stages are:
Denial
In the early stages, people can feel hollow and numb or try to act as if nothing has changed in their life. It feels that by acknowledging what has happened will make it more real.
Anger
It’s common to feel rage at the situation or even the person who has died. Whether the anger is directed at the unfairness of the situation, the person themselves or even the grieving individual, it’s not unusual. It can be a difficult stage to witness if you’re trying to help someone.
Bargaining
Feelings of helplessness often lead to bargaining behaviour. Promising to act or think in a particular way in order to change what’s happening and feel better. This can seem nonsensical to people on the outside but can make perfect sense to the person going through it.
Depression
This stage is what most people think of when they think about grieving. It’s the pain and suffering of losing someone which can lead to withdrawing from everyday life. This period can last for weeks, months or even years.
Acceptance
Over time, grieving can turn to acceptance. It may be easier to return to everyday life and you can cherish the good memories rather than only feel pain.
While this model is representative of how many people deal with death, it’s not always as clear-cut. The stages may not happen in order, with a clear progression from one stage to another. It’s likely that someone may cycle between them or spend a long time in a particular stage.
Drop Any Preconceptions
There is no right or wrong way to deal with death. Everyone is different and may show their emotions in a different way. Just because someone doesn’t look or act heartbroken, doesn’t mean that they aren’t.
When someone loses a partner, they may or may not want to move on in the future and find love again. At this point they may use chat line numbers, internet dating or ask to be fixed up on a blind date with someone from your friendship group. Remember, how you would deal with this situation may be different from how they are.
Give The Kind Of Support They Need
Helping someone experiencing grief can manifest in a number of ways. For example, they might need a lot of practical help such as help around the house or babysitting the kids so they can have some time to relax. This type of practical support can remove some of the day-to-day pressures from their lives, leaving them to focus on other things.
Aside from practical tasks, you can also provide emotional support. This can be listening to them or just being a shoulder to cry on.
In all likelihood, they will need a combination of both from you.
Consider Meaningful Dates
Certain dates may be triggering for someone who is grieving. Birthdays, anniversaries and valentine’s day can be very upsetting. Try and be available at these times to comfort them or take their mind off things.
Don’t Hold A Grudge
Moods and personalities can change when we’re under extreme emotional stress. It can cause us to lash out or say things we don’t mean. If you’re trying to support someone and they aren’t being particularly nice to you, try not to take it to heart. They may not realise they are doing it or it could be their way of trying to connect.
That’s not to say that you should let someone treat you disrespectfully, but try to deal with it in a compassionate way.
Them Additional Help If They Need It
If you suspect that someone needs specialist help, then talk to them about it and assist them in finding it. This could be talking to a therapist or medical professional if they’re experiencing intense depression. Some people turn to drugs and alcohol to get them through tough times, but this won’t solve any of their problems and could be dangerous to their health.
It can be difficult to broach these topics, but you need to do it for the sake of your friend or loved one. There are many support groups online that will be happy to signpost you to support. If you need someone to step in immediately, then you need to contact a health professional as a priority.
Keep Yourself Healthy
Dropping everything to help and support someone can take a toll on your health too. Being around someone dealing with bereavement can bring up some difficult emotions. Perhaps it reminds you of losing someone, or you start to feel anxious about a partner or parent dying.
Your mental and physical health need to remain a priority. You can’t support someone if you’re ill or anxious.
Takeaways
When someone experiences bereavement, they need support from those around them to cope. It’s not always an easy thing to do. You may not know what to do or say for fear of making things worse.
Understanding and accepting that there is no right or wrong way for someone to make it through this difficult time is a good place to start. Keep an open mind and try not to judge.
Any support that you can give means the world to someone at a very difficult time.
