Praise can boost good feelings and increase motivation. Praising children can inspire them to be more cooperative, persistent, and hard-working. Let’s face it we all like to be praised, it makes us feel good and children are the same.
Children need positive reinforcement, particularly in the current doom and gloom environment focused on by the media. Many of us are feeling overwhelmed right now with home learning and missing that connection we have with our wider support structure. This means that we are often frazzled and mentally exhausted. Yet now more than ever we need to be praising our kids so I have put together these practical tips for parents for praising children.
Parents often question how to ensure that they do not give too much or too little positive reinforcement to their child. It is important to praise your child for achievements, but at the same time, it can be harmful if that praise is given too quickly and in an insincere manner. I don’t think that you can over praise a child but it does need to be meaningful.
Praise and Self Esteem
If you praise children all the time, they do not believe that the praise is genuine, which will lead to low self-esteem. Similarly, if you do not praise your child at all, they will have issues of self-doubt (just like the three bear scenario – this porridge is too hot, this porridge is too cold, and this porridge is just right).
How to Praise Your Child
Here are some practical tips to take into account when praising your child:
Don’t praise for things that your child does well every day of the week. For example, if he goes out every afternoon to practise getting the ball in the basketball hoop, don’t praise him for getting the ball into the hoop. Instead, at the end of the week, offer praise for his diligence in practising every afternoon.
Don’t praise the obvious, such as a child’s good looks or talent for a particular activity. Instead, offer praise for a new activity your child has tried, such as trying to learn how to rollerblade or tie her shoe-lace. It is important to praise for the effort put into something instead of focusing on the outcome.
Focus on Process When Offering Praise
Remember to focus on the process and offer specific praise. This goes in hand with the saying, “perfect practice makes perfect.” Praising children for the effort put into something, as opposed to an outcome, highlights to them that hard work and perseverance in life is important. If you only praise them for what comes naturally to them, they are unlikely to want to put effort into something they are not so good at.
Positive Reinforcement Tips
Brain studies indicate that we respond to social approval in much the same way that we respond to monetary rewards (Bhangi and Delgado 2015). Therefore praise doesn’t have to include monetary rewards words are just as powerful which is refreshing to know.
Praise should also be specific. You should say to your child, “you are really good at hitting the ball hard,” as opposed to “you are a good tennis player.” This will help your child identify with his particular skills.
Most importantly, be sincere in your praise. Sometimes spontaneous praise offered by parents is more meaningful to a child than every day expected words of encouragement offered by the over the positive parent.
Like everything in life, praise should be offered in moderation. Perhaps when in doubt, reflect on the activity you are about to praise and consider if it is something that your child normally does or if it was something different. Focus on the process and remember, too much praise can sound hollow and meaningless to a child.
If you find it difficult to find the words for praise check out 30 Ways to Praise A Child
Conclusion
Finally and this bit is super important too – your children need to know and understand that a parents approval and support is always there not just when they do things well or right. Children (like adults) make mistakes and this is importnat in life as long as we learn from them. So be wild with your praise but also remember your support in the times they get it wrong too.
