Managing teenagers can be a big job, but when there is a divorce in the mix, then you might have an even more complex situation on your hands. Both teenagers and divorce can be unpredictable, so here is a guide on gently proceeding through this time. We will also cover ways you can include your teenage children in key decisions made as a family and with a family lawyer.
Respect their process
Chances are your teenager is going to have some strong feelings about your divorce, and it is imperative that you let them process these emotions on their own terms. When communicating the change with your teenager, ensure that both parents give them an opportunity to ask questions, vent, and generally interact as a stakeholder in the family. Given their age and developmental stage, it might also be wise to preface that if they have any more questions, issues, or irritations, that they can come directly to you both.
Not quite a child, not quite an adult
If you have a teenager and some other younger children, your teenager will probably expect to be treated a little differently from the younger ones. If you are going to mediation, you might ask your mediator if there could be a session or two where the teenager can also come to voice their opinions with both parents. You really want to nurture your teenager during this period so that they don’t turn away from you both and lean into adulthood and time away from the household, or conversely, regress back to childish behaviour.
Legal decisions and proceedings
Almost every family law court in every country will act in the best interest of the child. This is why it’s critical that you have input from your teenager on the plans and processes going forward. When you design a parenting plan that you will lodge with the family court, talk to your teenager about what you are both thinking in regards to the custody split, access to grandparents, residences, and any other decisions that they might be able to contribute to.
Whether you want them to attend these legal procedures is something you need to decide as a family unit, but you don’t want them to be surprised at any junction in this divorce. Instead, have them work with you on these proceedings of plans so that their desires are captured in that plan.
Counselling and communication going forward
Counselling is absolutely recommended during the divorce process, but you may find that there is value in extending the sessions long after the divorce is finalized. This gives your teen the opportunity to speak to a third party about how they are feeling. Parents can often be jaded about the other parent after divorce is finalised and be less likely to give unbiased opinions.
You also want to foster an environment where your team can be honest. After all, the last thing you want is for them to be secretive and either suffer in silence or up to no good with neither parent noticing it due to split custody and other contingencies. Work with your partner on how you will ensure that your teen is communicating with you regularly and honestly. This is a priority any parent can agree on.
Divorce can be hard for everyone in the family, but your teenagers are especially vulnerable as the hormones are on a rollercoaster and the stage of their life. A collaborative approach and honest communication will go a long way, so don’t take your eye off the prize no matter where the divorce takes you.
