This week has seen a wave of personal stories and experiences shared by women who are talking about everyday harassment and sexual assaults. The narrative is on how to keep women safe is shocking and I can testify to feeling anxious when I walk home from the pub or my best friends house. I wear shoes that I know I can run in. I pretend to talk on the phone to show I’m not totally alone. This week though, I have told my teenage son how I often feel. I want to raise a man that understands how he can help keep women safe and feel safe.
I have spent years telling my daughter to be safe when out, to make sure she has a lift home. As a teenager, my friends and I would walk home planning a route that drops people off in order. We would sleep at each other’s houses so that we could avoid paying for a taxi but not leaving anyone to walk a few more yards on their own. I remember the disappearance of Suzy Lamplugh and there is now a trust with lots of information on staying safe which I have referred too when talking about safety to my daughter.
It is our normal.
It is what we have always done.
I haven’t had the same conversations with my teenage son. Before this week I had not talked to him about how women feel when they are out. I had not told him that his sister and I often have these thoughts in our head about getting home after a night out. I had not shared that I frequently cross the road so that I don’t walk past the trees or the alleyway as I make my way home.
When he has been to watch an evening football game, he jumps on the late bus and comes home. He walks from his stop without a second thought, hands in pockets. When he takes the dog out for a walk he isn’t hyper-aware of who else is walking through the park-like I am. He wears his airpods and doesn’t worry that he can’t hear his immediate surroundings.
Statistically, as a young male he is also at risk of assault. However, he doesn’t walk around with a knot of fear in his stomach about it.
6 Ways I am teaching my son to keep women safe
- We talked about ensuring his female friends have a safe route home.
- We discussed the importance of staying with his female friends until they have been picked up by their lift – it is not enough to order a taxi and assume it will turn up and they will get in! This unfortunately is not enough to keep women safe.
- When walking behind a woman on her own, I asked him to keep a distance and better still cross the road so she doesn’t fear that she is being followed.
- I suggested that he doesn’t get in a lift on his own with a woman he doesn’t know. I have felt this especially in multistory car parks that are quite deserted. I don’t want someone to get in the same lift as me.
- My son can walk stealthily around the house and frequently makes me jump, after all he is 6ft and just appears. He doesn’t do it on purpose it’s just he is incredibly quiet! I’ve said imagine that happening on a quiet dark street. I have told him not to be so stealth and make a little noise so as not to startle anyone.
- I encourage my son to call out bad behaviour, sexist jokes and ‘banter’ that is so ingrained in society. That is definitely work in progress as it is hard to challenge friends when you are a teen boy but it will make the biggest difference.
Not all men are a threat to women obviously but that isn’t the point. This isn’t about all men, but about how women FEEL. We feel threatened, we feel on guard, we often don’t feel safe. That is why I am educating my teenage son on what he can do to help women feel safe.
For more posts on safety read How Does Social Media Affect Teenagers?
