The tween years, wow I think this has to be the hardest part of parenting so far. At least with the toddler tantrums the parent feels like the adult and doesn’t have the voice of an 11yo coming back at them.
Parenting my tween (the 9-13 age range) is akin to being on a rollercoaster, with the highs when the laughter doesn’t stop and the lows where my stomach drops in my belly. Whilst she still like her mum time, the cuddles, the games evenings and the odd family trip this past year has also witnessed swearing, a phone call home from school (her first EVER!), a detention, a confession that she saw someone shoplift, the anxiety of changing to secondary school and a number of friendship battles. Eeek
The Netmums book You and Your Tween by Hollie Smith has made for interesting reading. It has reminded me what emotional and physical changes my tween is going through. Being a secondary school teacher and an experienced form tutor I feel more than comfortable talking and challenging tweens however when it’s your own there is another dimension.
The book is a dip in and out book which I like, especially when time is in rather short supply. It covers a host of topics, including Education, modern media, friendship and puberty, sex and relationships. Each section offers some information and then advice from the expert panel made up of a counsellor and a parenting coach. This is then supplemented with case studies and advice from other Netmums.
The book is well written and Hollie Smith is both an author (with eight books under her belt) and also a mum to a tween. I really liked the tips given. They are in a grey box and bullet point key ideas or action points that you could implement to help you and your tween.
For me the most useful section was on modern media. I have already had the Facebook request and a discussion how much time should be spent on the computer. I know I am not alone on this as have spoken to other mums about it too. Another section I valued was about encouraging independence in the transition to secondary school. This is exactly where we are at with our daughter as she will be requiring a house key soon and will be travelling by bus to school. This is is a big step for both her and us! We are already worrying about the house not being locked. This has especially been highlighted to me after going to a friends house and her front door had been unlocked all day. Her son’s response when he arrived home –
“I was running late and didn’t have time to lock the it”.
He had known he hadn’t locked it – it wasn’t even accidential!
This book reminds us that the tween years are all part of the transition between childhood and adulthood. Most of what our tween is worrying about is perfectly natural and normal, it is also good for us as parents to hear that!
I fully recommend this book to all parents of tweens.
4 Responses
what a shame my daughter is now rising 14 i could really have done with any help and guidance. I still need a guiding hand, she is bigger than me still fighting the hormones and the adult body with a childs brain and approach. Just learning to only fight the big battles for her safety and well being , the other stuff is just stuff!
Can’t say I’m looking forward to these years…you sell it so well!
It is challenging and seeing myself in her is quite frightening! She is very like I was, even I can see that!
Em, no not looking forward to it either. We have just reached the ‘key’ stage and transition to high school soon, and I was horrified to read I have two tweens in my house, 11 and 8 (didn’t realise 8yr olds are classed as tweens!), with a 4yr old in the mix, it ain’t easy…