Parenting older children is definitely tricky. Being a teenager is a bridge between childhood and adulthood. It is time to cross that bridge knowing you have people behind you to keep you on track and talk you through the steps. However that bridge can get wobbly and at times it seems a long way to get onto the firmer ground on the other side. If you are parent of an introverted teenager there are also other issues that get thrown up. I am fed up with those who believe an introverted teenager lack confidence.
This week I was a little saddened when I got my son’s termly data drop. I wasn’t saddened by the academic results, he is exactly where I expected him to be. And that is a great place! It was the tutor’s comment that I have pondered over since. The comment was that my son in an introvert and needs to work on his confidence. I fundamentally disagree with this assumption and want everyone to consider why you must not believe introverts lack confidence.
Now I totally agree that Dylan is an introvert, but the tone was that this is a weakness. I don’t agree that being an introvert needs to have a negative connotation. He is actually a confident person he just doesn’t shout loudly. Dyl is one of the funniest people I know, he has a sharp wit and makes incredible observations. He is intelligent, he plays on his local football team. Furthermore he has a great circle of friends. He doesn’t lack confidence.
Being an introvert just means that you need some space and time to be alone. My Dyl certainly does, he enjoys being on his own, he can entertain himself and is rarely bored.
Bill Gates, Abraham Lincoln, Gandhi and countless other leaders through history have been classified as introverts. We don’t consider them to lack confidence, they are brilliant leaders and inspire others. Introverts are often much more organised and prepared for whatever challenges they take on.
If you have an introverted child don’t worry that they are lesser than their louder extrovert friends. There are many advantages to being an introvert as this post highlights The top 10 advantages of being an introvert. My favourite is ‘We can be quite observant of both environmental and social subtleties. While others are yammering away, we’re taking everything in and processing it in our ever-active minds’.
I am not a big fan of labelling anyone and I wish teachers could recognised personality traits and work with what they have got. Dyl has always chosen to have a few friends, he is a very loyal friend and keeps a tight circle. We do need to encourage him to go out and make plans with friends. Changing schools was definitely hard emotionally for him as he was out of his comfort zone.
How to Support Your Introverted Teen
- Understand them. Read about introverts and do not see it as a weakness.
- Give your child the space they need to re-energise.
- Coach them when they do need to speak up. I guided Dyl as he had to make new friends when he started secondary school.
- Point out when your child has done something new or put themselves in the centre of attention. That is hard for introverts despite wanting to try something.
- Help your child develop their passions. Dyl has enjoyed archery as a solo sport but he also enjoys group sports. It is hard though, Dyl plays for a local team but will not try out for the school team. He doesn’t want to be put in that position.
- Watch your child for emotional clues. Dyl is very aware but doesn’t always talk about emotions but a hand on a shoulder when I can see he is upset is appreciated.
- Give your teen the positive messages they need. There are some great subscription boxes that will help. For girls the Baebox is inspirational with the boys box launching soon
- Talk to your teen about the changes their body is going through. Dyl hit puberty fast and hard and dealing with those emotions is tough whether you are an introvert or extrovert. A subscription for opening those conversations includes the Betty is designed to ignite conversations for young women and between young women about historically more difficult topics such as periods, feminine hygiene, health education and misconceptions about the female anatomy. The brand aims to smash the stigma of talking about periods and educate girls about their cycles and their bodies whilst instilling confidence and giving advice on all sorts of female issues. The box starts at £6.99 and is then £10.50 per month thereafter.
- Talk to their teachers and make sure they realise that being an introvert is not a weakness nor is it an example of lacking confidence.
Introverted teens have so much to offer and we need to celebrate all teens because the world needs all types! I really like these quotes about introverts.
10 Responses
I think that’s very sad for a teacher to pick up on that. The world would be a flipping awful place if it was full of people shouting their mouths off. It sounds like Dylan has lots of confidence. He is his own person and you are obviously very proud of him.
#TweenTeenBeyond
I think what a lot of people fail to realise is that an Introversion and Extorversion are actually a measure of how people respond to external stimuli. So do they derive energy from being around people/noise/commotion/etc. Or does that kind of environment drain their energy?
My husband is an introvert and I read Quiet by Susan Cain because I wanted to better understand why certain situations drain him so much emotionally. I can thoroughly recommend this book to anyone who hasn’t read it and has an introvert in their lives. Her analysis of the power of introverts (in a world that can’t stop talking…ha!) is really fascinating and has had an impact on me in the sense that I really try to shut out the noisy gobshites in favour of those whose voices get drowned out. It is my private rebellion against people who simply like the sound of their own voices.
I also believe that my daughter leans toward introversion in that she is very much affected by noise and commotion in her classroom. As her parent, I will continue to advocate for her needs and ensure that anybody who dares to suggest that she is somehow deficient will bear the brunt of my wrath 😉
Thank you for highlighting this Emma! I think there are a lot of quiet kids out there who are being overlooked but who can offer a lot to our society if just given the chance!
#TweenTeensBeyond
Oh Emma this is such an informative post. I agree with you totally that pigeon holing our young adults and using labels is fundamentally wrong and disrespectful too actually. Each person is individual and responds in different ways to situations and a good teacher would work at how to get the best out of each pupil rather than trying to mould the pupil to their false ideology. My eldest teen has always been criticised for being too backward in class – apparently he doesn’t stick his hand up or join in as much as the others. So what I said at my recent parents evening. Some people like to digest information and take their time to come forward with their views and the fact is he is contributing and that should be lauded not criticised. Thank you so much for joining us and we look forward to seeing you again. #TweensTeensBeyond
Yes such negative connotations all the time Emma. Same with shy children, it’s a bit like it’s an illness. The poor kids end up feeling as though there is some kind of lack. I was really shy as a child and people don’t leave you alone. Talk about draw attention to you when it’s the last thing you want. Teachers often come out with these statements. Our missive at parents evening was “well, she’s not a gregarious child”, it was said as though it was a real problem. It automatically makes you bristle and then you think “so what”, she doesn’t need to be. I love to have a mixture of people around me and people with a bit of depth. Your son sounds like he is perfectly fine to me. A gem by the sound of it. Thanks for joining #TweensTensBeyond, Nicky
What a shame that a teacher interpreted being an introvert as a bad thing. The world would be a better place if a few more people were introverted in my opinion but perhaps I would say that because I am one myself. You have quite rightly identified all the reasons why your son has nothing to worry about. The list of suggestions and resources was very useful. Thanks so much for linking up at #TweensTeensBeyond, we really value your support.
I find introversion as an advantage. I have less tolerance for bullshit and leverage that to qualifying girls more aggressively which can work in my favor. If the girl doesn’t go for that then no big deal, just more time for myself (which is preferable as an introvert).
Great post. So often introverts are misunderstood and are confused with being shy! Being an introvert myself, I understand this all too well.
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Thank you Emma for your great post!! In my opinion, introversion is not bad. Being an introvert, I’m totally confident about myself, I just don’t want to talk too much.
Why is this world so obsessed with labeling people and putting them in boxes? It’s like saying to a monkey and a dolphin that intelligence will be assessed on the ability to climb a tree …. I reckon your son will be just fine as he is. #TweenTeensBeyond
I love this post. I grew up as an introverted teen but I never lack confidence.