Half way there… three weeks left in spica

Three weeks down and three weeks left to go.  Believe me it can’t come quick enough.  This spica cast and been emotionally and physically draining.  This has all felt like we have gone backwards, like treading water.  Erin had a brief taste of freedom, of being vertical and of having (albeit limited) mobility.  Then in a blink of an eye it was taken again. 

Imagine for a two and half yr old how that feels.  She knows, she understands.  Erin is handling it all but not quite like before.  She bores more easily, she is frustrated, she wants to swim and play outside.  Who can blame her?

Physically the cast is sooo heavy and awkward and cumbersome to carry.  She is set much straighter which means she can’t get into a good position for feeding herself.  She hurts more, even giving her a wash is hard work as Erin says it hurts.  She is not the only one who hurts, my arms ache, I have damaged my shoulder somehow.  I’ve been offered a hoist to use in the house but really it won’t help much, it doesn’t get her into the car seat, it doesn’ help at toddler group when she wants to play, it doesn’t help at music class when she wants to do the hokey cokey so I throw her about to join in with her peers. 

And yet Erin still has me laughing.  We are so connected  in every way because of how much we rely on each other and how much time together we spend.  As we walked to school on Friday she spotted a a dog.  Erin told me it was a dog  and then said it was big, black and white.  She then said

‘I not black and white – I just purple and white and mummy just white’

It made me laugh how the cast has just become an extension of her!

We are tyring to look forward and make plans.  We spoke to nursery this week about restarting.  School will be expecting me soon and I am not sure how I’m feeling about that.  I love being a stay at home mummy.  I would give it all up in  a heartbeat at the moment to make sure I was still collecting Dyl from school and there for Erin.  Yet I know that she will benefit from being back at nursery and that can only happen if I work. 

This year has taught me just to slow down a bit and not take things for granted.  I never considered one of my children would endure so much at such a young age – it may not be life threatening, Erin is not ill but it has been life changing for all of us.  It has taken its toll on all of us and if we are honest this will hang over us for years to come.  We won’t know for a long time whether the hip is growing, regular check ups will become part and parcel of Erin’s childhood and we will hold our breath each time.

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