Starting secondary school is an important transition in a child’s life. As parents, we can help prepare our tweens for starting secondary school in the months leading up to the change. Some children will embrace this next stage whilst others will be more apprehensive and concerned about the changes coming.
These days primary school children often scatter to a wide range of secondary schools. Gone are the days when the whole primary class moved to the local comprehensive, instead parental choice has seen children spread much further geographically than before resulting in changes in friendship groups and travelling to schools. Having been through the process twice before and preparing to go through it again with our youngest I thought I’d share the little steps we have taken to make this primary to secondary school transition easier for all concerned.
As a former teacher and form tutor I have experienced and supported many young students in this transition and what I will say is that virtually all children do settle but don’t be surprised if it takes up much of the first half term or even longer in some cases. My own quiet son found the transition to secondary school really challenging and I literally coached him through that first six weeks and it was almost Christmas before he found his own tribe and his own feet.
10 Tips For Starting Secondary School
For any child starting secondary school whether it’s close to home or further away it can be extremely scary and nerve-racking as they step out of their comfort zone and start high school.
There are a whole host of ways we can help our children feel more confident and comfortable about the big move and as each child is different you can work out what works best for you.
1. Staying Home Alone
We started leaving the children home alone for short periods during year six. Always in the day and initially for about half an hour a time. This preparation is building up to maybe coming home to an empty house in year 7 and letting themselves in after school.
Having small sets of times are great for giving them the time to have the freedom and make good decisions while you aren’t around. They can also get used to how to be responsible and look after the house (for future extended periods of time)
2. Encourage A Bigger Friendship Circle
We have encouraged the children to widen their friendship circle. There are other girls that live near us – that have been at different primary schools- yet are going to the same secondary school.
Therefore we have actively encouraged her to start playing with them at the local park etc. This has been a great success and it helps them meet a few others who will be on the bus with them.
This is great as not all friends from primary schools or from your area will go to the same school. This will also be great as kids will often get split up from each other into different classes while at school so it is wise to have friends and familiar faces in different classes.
3. Use Social Networking
Using social media to develop these friendships. Whilst social media is often crisitised with being bad for teenagers and tweens there are some benefits.
Like it or loathe it, Facebook is such an important tool for tweens and teenagers now to communicate.
If you are unsure if social media is right for your child, I have some tips to help you navigate the murky waters and set some rules and guidelines.
4. Catch The School Bus
For transition day itself, it is a good idea to catch a school bus or walk the way they would. They may be a little apprehensive but I think it’s best just to get on and do it so they don’t fret about it over the summer.
I will park up in view of the bus and can watch discreetly whilst they get on! I’ve told her I’ll follow the bus if she wants just to give her peace of mind! I may look like I am undercover but it is all about making the transition smooth.
This is ideal for those who are going to be doing this on a more permanent basis in a matter of months or even walking to school so it can help build up their familiarity and confidence to do the journey on their own.
5. Lunch Options
For lunch, mine have always taken a packed lunch and money (although most secondary schools are cashless now). That way they will feel safe and secure knowing that they can do either for lunch depending on what others choose to do.
Give your child the option to have a packed lunch or money to buy lunch when they get to school. In the summer months before starting secondary school get them to make their own lunch to get them into a good rhythm of making lunch and making good choices of what to eat.
6. Go To The School Before September
Something that primary schools often do is go on a tour of the high school to make them familar with the surroundings before they arrive for their first day in September.
If you can look at going again on your own time, for a school play or for an open evening or event that might be held at the school. That way they can discover the school at a more manageable pace and they have someone they are comforted by and familar with.
This is also a great idea if you have a child that struggles with new enviroments or is really unsure about where things are located such as toilets, offices and lockers.
7. Prepare Items In Advance
If your child has to wear a certain set of clothing such as tie, blazer or even a hat get the uniform in good time and give them time to wear it a few times around the house.
Let them work out what way it is most comfortable and how they feel in it. Body confidence will start to be a big thing once they enter high school so its important they feel as comfortable as possible in their uniform.
If you have ties make sure you get in plenty of practice so you don’t have to do it for them on the first day (and probably the first few weeks).
8. Start Giving Them More Responsibilties
Something that your child will have to deal with is being responsible for their own stuff from PE kit and homework.
Start giving them more responsibilities around the house or in their own room to get them into a routine of keeping on top of tasks and being held responsible and facing consequences when they aren’t done.
This is a great way of getting them prepared for keeping on top of homework, having planners signed and remembering PE kits. As you won’t be around all the time to help them out when they need it.
9. Be Prepared To Answer Any & All Questions
Your child might have a tonne of questions about what it is like, what might happen and where they need to go.
Be prepared to answer their questions and be as helpful as possible. They will probably be word vomiting and panicing about what to expect so they need a reassuring voice and person to help them navigate how they are feeling.
Do you research on everything from pre-paid cards for students and lunches to protocols of showering after PE and for girls talk about what they should do if they need to use the ladies room and special times of the month. There may well be more measures in place in schools now following the covid pandemic. We have already seen that secondary school students and teachers undertake regular covid testing in schools so do explain this process to your child. For example, my son and husbands schools have both introduced covid testing booths where weekly mass testing occurs, this provides a safe sterile and private area to carry out the test. There will probably be other changes to the school day initially that our children will need to get used to.
10. Create A Meeting Place
Walking into school alone on your first day can be terrifying so a great way to help your child start the day right is to organise a buddy system.
Look at their friends and who they can walk to school with, catch the bus with or even meet at a certain point on the first day so they can go into school together.
Having another person with them can make them feel much more relaxed, confident and comfortable.
Organise a meeting place so that your child and their friend can go together to school or meet at a spot within the school grounds to go into together. that way your child can feel a little more relaxed that once they are together they have each other to lean on.
I would love to know what tips and techniques you used to prepare your child for secondary school in the comments below!
For more tips on starting secondary school read How to Make New Friends at a New School.
