When is it acceptable to leave your child at home for a short while? This question comes up frequently and it is quite a contentious question with many answers. The guidelines for leaving a child home alone is not straightforward as covered in the law in the UK. When can kids stay home alone is relative to their maturity, the length of time and whether other siblings are about? This doesn’t really help does it?
Growing up in the late 80’s I remember a holiday with my parents where our caravan was next to the clubhouse. Yet the clubhouse did not allow children in. So on a couple of occasions in evenings, my mum and dad popped next door for a drink, leaving my brother and me with a packet of crisps and a bottle of coke. They kept popping back to check on us. We were certainly not left late late at night, it was probably 90 mins or so. Yet now this would probably be frowned upon. In fact, drop the probably – I’m sure it would be!
What does the law say?
The law is rather vague on when can kids stay home alone. There is no set age but parents commit an offence if leaving the child at home alone puts him or her at risk. Many take this to mean that under 13’s should not be left alone. Yet this is also the age many start babysitting for others! Therefore one day they are not suitably equipped to look after themselves but the next they can look after themselves and a younger child! This seems rather bizarre to me.
Under the Children and Young Persons Act 1993, if a parent leaves a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’, they can be prosecuted for neglect. It is important to be aware that frequently leaving your child home alone can constitute neglect, which is a form of child abuse.
Leaving a child at home age 11
Many start leaving their children home alone in the last year of primary school – they believe this is a good age to start that transition as they prepare for secondary school. This is about the age I started leaving mine for short periods. I have quite a laid back parenting approach and now that I have two teenagers I do leave Erin who is 8 with them. At first, I only left her if her big sister was also at home. In the past year, I have left her with her brother who is now 14. Erin is a very easy child and I have no concerns about leaving her with her siblings. I would not leave her home alone though. I leave Erin for up to an hour or so with our 14-year-old unless it is the evening when she is asleep. Then we would leave for a few hours but be home by about 10.30 and our 14 years old waits up for us.
When children start secondary school many start making their own way to school, by bus, walking or riding their bikes. In my opinion, leaving them at home before this helps to start this process of growing independence.
What age would you leave your child home alone?
Before you leave a child home alone consider the following
- How old is the child?
- What is the child’s level of maturity and understanding?
- How long will the child be left alone for?
- How often will the child be left alone?
- Where will the child be left?
- Are there any other children in the household?
- Are there any obvious risks?
- Would they know what to do in an emergency?
- How does the child feel about being at home alone?
- Be aware that the length of the time the child is left alone for will affect whether it is reasonable to leave your child home alone.
Tips on preparing to leave kids home alone
- Have clear guidelines on what they are allowed to do. Things like no cooking, answering doors etc is good practice.
- Make sure the kids know how to contact you. Write your mobile number down for them.
- Give them the time that you will be home and stick to it no matter what.
- Most important is that the teen or tween is happy to be left alone. Do they feel safe, if not they are not ready for the responsibility?
- Start with leaving for only a very short time and build it up. Pop to the local shop at first, or take the dog for a quick walk. Make sure they felt happy with this before leaving them for longer.
- Do you have an agreed neighbour that they could call on if needed. My daughter knows that she can ask our neighbour or the person over the road for help if ever she needed too.
Let me know your thoughts on when can kids stay home alone in the comments below. My other dilemma is when would you leave a child home alone overnight?
6 Responses
I was nodding along until I read “do they feel safe”. This stopped me in my tracks. My son is still far too young to be left at home alone but I do wonder when he will feel safe enough to be.
I didn’t have a choice, I was left at home at night when I was 14/15 and I was scared sometimes. I also had to ‘fend for myself’ between after school and 10PM ish. It depended on my parent’s work rota, 6-2 2-10 and lots of 12-16hr shifts too.
I think it depends on the circumstances and how mature the child is. I was mature for my age and knew what I was and wasn’t allowed to do, but I still got scared of being alone. Each child is different so it’s a tricky one to put an age to xx
Really good read! I always recommend parents that there is no legal age to leave children but like you said it’s when they will not be put at harm so again it depends on the child. I think teenagers need to be left for a few hours at a time as it gives them independence but it depends what neighbour they are in and also what time of day/night it is.
Kate xx
I started leaving my eldest home alone for short amounts of time, ie if I walked to the shop 10 minutes away, from about 9/10 ish then we started leaving her for slightly longer as she got older. She is 15 now so we can leave her for a few hours and know she is fine. I can’t trust her with her younger siblings though. I totally agree it depends on the child and us parents know when is best. x
My son has walked to school since he turned 9 and I now let him walk to the park to meet friends. I used to commute to school from the age of 8, which involved getting a train and a bus and an hour journey! I haven’t ever left him at home, but he is certainly enjoying the independehnce that he is currently allowed.
It’s a tricky one for sure. My eldest starts high school in September and already walks to school on her own (literally a five minute walk). In the last couple of months I have thought to myself that I could maybe try leaving her on her own at home for half an hour – it has to happen at some point! I wouldn’t leave her 10 and 8 year old sisters with her though – I don’t think it’s fair to give her that responsibility yet.
I’ve been building up to leaving them for longer periods for quite some time. Having a husband living away during the week for a year also forced some of this on me as sometimes the children need to be in different places at the same time.
So generally, it’s just been that one has been at home whilst I take the other somewhere else. I’ve always had rules – no hot drinks or cooking initially tho now they do make hot drinks on occasion, no answering doors and no answering the landline unless they can see it’s me or their Dad (we have caller ID) and they knew how to ring me.
Now that both are at high school, I have been known not to be here when they got home. My job has seen to that I have to travel a bit more now. If I do, my husband (who works nearer home now) aims to get home as early as possible so they are on their own for at most an hour, sometimes less.
Rarely does this go wrong but there was a time where I got stuck on a train following a fatality on the line and realised I was going to be a LONG time. I had been due to be home within 90 mins of them arriving home and my husband was still away. Because I had no idea when I would make it back, I asked on Facebook and one of my friends said they could go round theirs which they did after daughter’s dance lesson. So glad I did that as I didn’t get home until 9pm and it was December so had been dark for hours.
They are similar ages and both relatively sensible for their respective ages. I know if I didn’t trust them, there is no way I would let them stay on their own as much as they do but it’s not much different to them travelling on the bus to school and back alone. I do check in with them if I’m away for a bit longer to ensure that all is well and they know they can text or ring me at any time. They are both pretty confident about being here alone but I am not yet ready to leave them at night, say, past 9pm.