Adolescence has been widely discussed online and in the media since it landed on Netflix and it has taken me a while to put this post together as a response from a secondary school teacher.
I have been asked if I recognise the discourse being shown in schools and the simple answer is yes there are elements that I recognise although that is not the reason that I initially left teaching.
The topic of toxic masculinity is not linear and it is not a new conversation but it is definitely in the spotlight right now. I’m going to share three examples where I have been involved in male misogyny from students. Plus there are countless examples from female students of comments that are shared in their presence. The first example is quite dated from when I was teaching 14 years ago (but has stayed with me). The second two examples are both recent the last being just 4 months ago.
- When I was teaching I had a 14 year old tell others that he had seen me in a ‘porno’ film. This was shouted at the class because I was reprimanding his poor behaviour. He was very graphic in what he said. This was dealt with quickly and severely by the leadership team and actually contributed to him being permanently excluded as he already had a long history of poor behaviour.
- Another example is a 11 year old boy who was writing misogynistic comments on a piece of paper. The comment was about another child’s mum – again totally fabricated and quite disgusting. When challenged he claimed it was ‘banter’. We put a safeguarding concern in for that student and the school dealt with the situation and issued a punishment in accordance with the school behaviour policy. This example happened about a year ago and thats important and I will explain why in due course.
- This final example involved a couple of sixth form ‘boys’ so they are aged 17. Again in an activity I was doing with them they wrote misogynistic comments on a piece of paper. This paper was intercepted by a member of staff but had it not been it would have been passed to more girls and boys involved in the activity. Those boys had shown concerning attitudes and behaviour during the session and had already been spoken to. They showed complete disregard and a total lack of respect to those around them. They were finally removed from the session when I refused to continue teaching them. We again followed up with the senior leadership team who failed to get back in touch and tell us how they managed the unpleasant and disturbing situation.
What may surprise you was that both examples 2 & 3 took place when I was representing the police. I have been delivering a self leadership programme and the students knew that I had come from the police who employed me as a teacher. I wore a police lanyard around my neck and explained that the programme was provided by the police. Yet a few males still openly shared these offensive comments.
I can only imagine how they spoke on a daily basis when they were not filtering their comments.
It was not a daily occurrence by any means and it was only on a couple occasions that I witnessed this behaviour but it showed that it is happening in our schools. Our programme was picking up these and other safeguarding concerns – it was a preventative programme where we made a difference but unfortunately the programme has now been cut in a funding crisis and we are not in schools teaching and challenging these opinions.
There is so much I want to say about this but one thing sticks and that is who is going to be challenging this incel culture?
The media and public want it addressed – I have seen comments and read articles that schools need to take a stand, that this needs addressing yet the very programmes that DO address and challenge are being cut. Youth workers, family centres and many other preventative programmes are in dire straights. We are chronically underfunded and closing because prevention is hard to measure but what we know is that things are getting worse.
Teachers are not trained to deal with this – they are highly qualified in how to teach kids and their subject knowledge but they are not taught how to manage toxic masculinity. How and where do we want this challenged? If we want specialists who are able and willing to teach teenagers about their responsibilities and duties then we need to invest in them and have robust measures in how to tackle violence and misyony in our schools.
Parents need to also take responsibility and be role models to their children. One thing I haven’t seen explored is the link between the crisis of masculinity and toxic masculinity. In the 1980’s the conversation was centered around a crisis of masculinity as heavy industry declined and the service sector exploded. This left high unemployment in industrial areas (think Sheffield and steel factories) and many men were ill equipped to deal with the societal changes. The Full Monty film illustrated this well at the time. This highlights where the changes started and the result is a fractured society where some men built an anti women culture as a result.
Men need to call out other men who share these views and they need to be role models to their sons. Parents need to take direct action and have difficult conversations.
Social media has also exacerbated the situation, making sharing of these views faster, easier and more secretive. The tech companies also need to accept responsibility and work at banning and monitoring inappropriate content that is shared. However they are slow to do this as it it is big business and profits come before teenagers.
Toxic Masculinity will not just disappear. It needs societal change and everyone has a part to play. If we keep burying our heads in the sand it will get worse.
I want the general public to play their part but I want them to also be under no illusion – good work is being done in schools, community groups and youth provisions but all this is being undermined when services are cut.
Call to action – so what can we all practically do? One thing is to contact your local MP or Crime Commissioner and voice your concerns. Let them know that you know that this is an issue that needs funding and that you want to see an investment into youth services and education. That you are fed up of seeing prevention programmes cut.
Be the change that you want to see.
For part two in this series exploring toxic masculinity read Why Banter is Not Ok: The Dangerous Excuse for Bullying and Misogyny
One Response
Why do we need a TV program to remind us to check our kids phones and to have these conversations?!
Most schools require them to have a phone, but all iphones set up on the family app can be monitored and controlled by parents.
Kids dont need social media, but if they use it, please parent it and check it.
Talk to them about strangers online, talk to them about behaving appropriately – snapchat, instagram, WhatsApp, TikTok are not these wildly dangerous platforms that turn everyone crazy- if monitored and restricted in the right way.
A ban on kids having a phone until they are 18 is not the solution.
My social media is full of positive posts, people whom i follow, like and know. Even TikTok doesn’t show me anything inappropriate- i appreciate social media has a long way to go when it comes to certain content but if we as parents educate ourselves and our kids it can go a long way.