The dreaded maturation conversation, complete with scientific diagrams and medical jargon, can make children and parents alike squirm in their seats. With invasive lines of questioning about menstruation, sexual urges, and bodily changes (that may call for clinical-strength deodorant and beginner-friendly razors), it’s shouldn’t come as a surprise to hear that those who remember the “birds and the bees” conversation fondly are few and far between.
For parents, a discussion involving highly stigmatized “adult” subjects can feel like charting unfamiliar territory. Not to mention, for children strapped into the emotional rollercoaster of puberty, the conversation can feel embarrassing (especially with mom and dad in attendance). Often, one of the most uncomfortable topics for parents to breach is menstruation. With women and men alike stigmatizing period pains and tampons stored in plain sight, discussing menstruation can often trigger a fight-or-flight response.
Even when parents seek to educate their children about menstruation, the hushed tones and supposedly kid-friendly euphemisms that often define conversations about periods feed societal stigma. Explaining this natural process through a lens of secrecy can make young adults, who are already going through a confusing time, feel vulnerable and further isolated from those who might offer assistance.
In response to feelings of shame and embarrassment, children may try to hide their periods or refuse to ask questions, even if they are concerned for their health. Remember, the adverse effects of a lack of shame-ridden conversation are unignorable. For those who don’t experience menstruation, a lack of education can manifest in bullying aimed at peers who do.
How to initiate a kid-friendly menstruation conversation
Perhaps the most important thing you can do to make conversations about menstruation easier on both parties is to allow these conversations to unfold organically. Additionally, parents should realize that a one-and-done approach won’t suffice in the context of menstruation education. After all, these period-related questions your child asks will change (and increase in frequency) as they become familiar with their bodies.
At earlier ages, you can introduce the idea of a period as children naturally become aware of period products, which will likely happen by noticing pads and tampons in bathrooms and grocery store aisles. Explanations for younger children can be limited to explaining the purpose period products serve (i.e., keeping blood from getting on clothing). Addressing your little one’s curiosities and calmly offering age-appropriate explanations will help show your child that periods are nothing to be ashamed or afraid of, and you will encourage more in-depth conversations down the road.
As your child nears puberty, discussions regarding menstruation will become more in-depth. At this point, you will want to answer the question: “what is a period?” fully. In this conversation, paint a clear picture of menstruation for your child by including the physiological reasons behind this bodily function and touch-on the day-to-day realities of experiencing a period.
For best results, avoid euphemisms during this conversation and be available to answer or research any questions your child may have. Although the topic of menstruation and puberty, in general, can seem overwhelming, know that there are resources available to make this transition easier for both parties. Services like the Betty Box, a subscription available in the UK, can make it easier to break the ice when talking about menstruation. Additionally, campaigns such as #TeenTalk aim to support parents and foster more effective conversations during puberty.
The most important thing to remember during puberty-related chats is that your child likely has a slew of questions regarding the changes they are experiencing. That said, it’s far better for everyone involved if you address these lingering questions head-on, rather than leaving your children exposed to misformation spread by misinformed peers or random Google results.
Are you struggling to find an appropriate starting point? Here are seven common myths surrounding menstruation that can help steer your child in the right direction.
Myth 1: Level of flow is indicative of health
Many people don’t realize just how variable periods can be between individuals. Everyone has a slightly different experience when it comes to duration and flow. While some women have short, light periods, others are prone to more extended and heavier periods. What is normal for one individual may be highly unusual for another. Stress the importance of understanding what “normal” looks like for your child and be vigilant for sudden variances that could indicate a problem.
Myth 2: One type of period product is “better” than another
There are many conflicting views on what type of period product is “best.” While there are pros and cons to any product, ultimately, the best one is whatever is most comfortable for your child. Make sure you discuss the proper application, use, and any associated risks (such as TSS) of sanitary products to help your child find the right fit.
Myth 3: Menstruation makes you a woman
This pervasive myth has existed for a long time and is often used to make young adults feel self-conscious. Discuss how menstruation is nothing more than a physiological reality and does not define one’s gender or how “grown-up” one is.
Myth 4: Debilitating cramps are a natural part of menstruation
Because so many period-havers depend on heating pads and pain medication to cope with their menstrual cycles, many adults fall prey to the myth that this back-aching discomfort is normal. While it’s not uncommon for menstruation to be uncomfortable, your symptoms shouldn’t impede daily life.
Cramps or other symptoms that make it difficult to walk or lead to a loss of consciousness are not typical and can be signs of medical disorders. Reiterate to your child that severe symptoms should not be ignored, and remind them that there are medical intervention options.
Myth 5: It’s impossible to get pregnant while on your period
This myth is dangerously pervasive and can have disastrous side-effects. Though it is less likely a woman will get pregnant while on her period, it’s still possible. Be sure to discuss safe sex with your child, and remind them that protection is a must.
Myth 6: Menstruation can be “held in”
This myth is much more common among the population who does not experience menstruation and can lead to unkind behaviors. Make sure that children of both sexes understand the mechanics of bleeding during a period.
Myth 7: Exercising during menstruation is dangerous
While it can be uncomfortable to run while experiencing cramps, there’s no evidence to suggest that exercising in any way damages the female reproductive organs. In contrast, many studies show that routine exercise can help relieve uncomfortable side-effects of menstruation. With these ache-alleviating benefits in mind, discuss how menstruation does not affect one’s ability to lead an active lifestyle.
In summary
Puberty can be a scary unknown in your child’s life. Help make this transition more comfortable by openly discussing the realities (not myths!) of menstruation.
