We are all work in progress, none of us the finished article and what makes us unique is that we are shaped by our life experiences. I was aimlessly scrolling when I saw a post from Alison at Not Another Mummy Blog sharing her five biggest failures and what she learned from them. It really resonated with me and got me thinking about my own personal failures.
It is with each ‘failure’ that we grow and some of our own failures can really change our life’s course. After reflecting on this for a few days I wanted to share my own 5 biggest failures and how they have affected me.
Exam Results
The first time I really felt failure was when I didn’t get the GCSE results I, and everyone else expected. Teaching has changed dramatically since the early 90’s and no-one really did expected grades or extra revision classes and past papers. Instead, we were left to it, and I thought I was revising but I clearly got it all wrong! Results day was a shocker and I didn’t have enough to start A Levels. I did go to the sixth form school and retook GCSE’s which put me on a totally different path! I chose new subjects rather than retaking the old ones and I did them in a year. I did really well the second time around and chose different A-Levels as a result and my love of Sociology and Psychology began.
My Mental Health
The next failure is still not easy to talk about publically. I got sick, really sick and I didn’t tell people how I was feeling. My mental and physical health hit an all-time low when I was 17/18. I made bad choices, I made risky decisions and on more than one occasion things could have gone badly wrong. I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome and depression and I needed time in a hospital to stay safe and well. I class this as a failure as my body failed me, being a teenager is supposed to be fun and carefree and I felt anything but. I didn’t speak up about how I was feeling. That taught me so much about myself and also about society. It also taught me who my real friends were, the ones that stood by me, visited me and rang me. I shut alot of people out at that time but my real friends kept coming back. I can count on my hand who stood strong by my side and to those individuals, I will forever be grateful. Thankfully I think we talk more now about mental health and for me, it has meant that I do talk about emotions and I have always been very observant of others, especially teenagers and their wellbeing. It impacted my parenting as my children became teenagers and it impacted my teaching and is probably why I searched out the vulnerable.
Giving up on Sport
After being ill and during my recovery I stopped playing hockey. I was too exhausted but hockey had also been my release. I had played at club and county levels for many years and I so wish that I had not stopped. When I went to University I should have gone to hockey trials but I missed the opportunity. It wasn’t just the fitness side I just wasn’t confident enough to turn up. Sixth form life had taken all my self-confidence and left me in tatters. I had no belief in myself and it robbed me of playing hockey. I had gone from confident to a shadow of myself caused by teachers and toxic mean girls during my A Levels.
I didn’t find another sport or fitness activity that I enjoyed the same way. Over the years I have tried a number of gyms but it was too solitary for me. I have finally found Iron Zuu and been going for almost two years. I am not the best, the strongest or anything else but I do genuinely love it. The classes work for me because they push me both physically and mentally, the rest of the group is hugely encouraging and we work as a team. Finding an activity I enjoy is so rewarding and gives me such a sense of purpose I just wish it had not taken as long!
Academic Pathway
My route into teaching had been driven from working with vulnerable children. I had already worked in a few different settings such as youth work and a children’s home and I then was encouraged to get my teaching PGCE because I was on the highest payment threshold I could be as an unqualified.
I planned to go down a pastoral route, become head of year, Senco or back into inclusion but I was good in the classroom and getting great academic results and found myself taking a different route. Before becoming head of department I was still talking to pupil referral units and doing work with excluded teenagers. I often wonder what would have happened if I had stuck to my guns and persevered down the inclusion route. It wasn’t a failure as such but it was a diversion off my path and I wonder if I would have left working in education so prematurely. I do still keep an eye out on jobs in the community that might require a parenting expert or a qualified teacher.
Financial Education
One failing I am working hard to teach my children is around saving and compound interest. I wish I had taken the time to understand investing and saving when I was much younger. Even a small regular saving being made in your twenties is so worthwhile. Instead, I have waited until my forties and I kick myself for the opportunities lost. I thought I was ahead of the game by saving into my pension when I was part-time and didn’t need to but really I wasn’t doing enough, especially as I am now freelance and not having a work pension that I am contributing too. This failure has cost me money and it is something that I worry about for my old age. Now I talk to my kids about money and investing. I regularly show Dylan my savings apps so he can see how my money is growing now.
These 5 failures have impacted on my life and whilst they are not all failures in the truest sense of the word they have each changed my life in some way. It’s quite reflective to look back and consider how things have impacted on our life’s course.
