Raising teenagers can be hard, as a relatively young mum by many standards it does not seem that long ago that I was the teenager stood in my bedroom ranting at the unfairness of life. It would be very fair to say that I didn’t give my mum and dad the smoothest of rides as I travelled through my teenage years. I was ‘good’ until about age 17 then it all went a pear shaped. I hadn’t been perfect before that but it was just the usual teenage dramas. I saved the worst until later.
I thought I would be different as a mum to a teen and in some ways I am but still I had a shock on Friday when I heard my mother come out of my mouth! My teen is nearly 16 and so far the road has been quite smooth but I am pretty sure the bumps in the road are coming. There are no easy answers in parenting, we do our best based on our experiences and values. Up to now it has been fine, as a parent I have negotiated bedtimes, when they can have social media accounts, how much pocket money is fair and how much I intervene in homework. Going to a school that has high expectations and having a daughter keen to succeed has made the journey feel like I have got this covered. Sport has been her priority and consumes most of her time but things are changing.
The curved ball is thrown. The ball or hot potato that I don’t want to catch is thrown in my direction and I have to re-evaluate and redefine my choices. Suddenly sleepovers at home with a best friend, sharing a pizza and netflix is not enough for a Saturday night adventure. Parties and going out are on the agenda. My ‘rules’ I thought were fair. I want to know where you are, what time you want to come home and how you are getting home.
I thought that was reasonable but apparently not. Sometimes a teenager doesn’t know where they are going exactly, they just know the area and sometimes how they are getting home really just isn’t that important to discuss before you get there with friends. Where ever ‘there’ maybe. I then find myself behaving like the teenager, arguing back and walking away.
I still have lessons to learn at this parenting lark.
Another night, another dilemma. Is your teen allowed to wander around The Rugby Fanzone. Gloucester is home to some of the World Cup Rugby games, Gloucester has pulled out the stops and dare I say it they have done a good job. The banners and flags are blowing the breeze, the Quays has been turned into a big screen complete with bars and social areas to enjoy the atmosphere. Gloucester is alive with people of all nations and my fifteen year old wants to go there on a Saturday night with her friends, due to the younger children I cannot pick her up. She will get the bus home at 10.30pm or a taxi. Both I point out are not going to happen, getting the bus will not be nice and getting a taxi is nigh on impossible at the moment with the rugby games happening.
This time though I let her go and all is fine. She has a lift home (phew) organised and she actually gets in early. I’ll take that as a result.
Next month though – there is a house party and we both know that alcohol is likely to feature. That will mean more things to plan for and consider. Parenting a teenager is so damn hard.
18 Responses
Oh this is all giving me a foretaste of the future. It sounds like you’re handling it all brilliantly though.
Gosh I can only imagine how hard it is. I have years yet before this time but I am already thinking about it. I hear my mum come out of my mouth too! x
Oh my gosh I am so dreading this stage. I am so glad that my kids are still so young and this stage wont approach for another 10 years. It’s far to say that I will most probably turn in to my mum and be so over-protective when they want to leave me 🙁
I think you’ve done fab to make it to 16 uneventfully! I’m dreading the teenage years. Thankfully they are a long way off. Sounds like your handling it really well though!
I love my children being small and after reading your post I hope they stay that way lol. All too often I hear my mother speak when I am telling the children to be careful! Funny how you never think it will happen and then it does lol
Oh man, I am not looking forward to the teenage years! I can’t imagine the requests & attitude that will be occurring. Your quote at the end is so funny lol I think it’s tough but you are doing what’s best for your kids, even if they don’t see it now, they will in the future! x
I have a 16 year old daughter, and I must say that the past 3/4 months have been the worst so far. And there was me feeling smug that we were ‘dodging’ this stuff! … Seemingly I have one of those curveball throwing dementors from hell too! Hang on in there, we will get through this!
Anna x
Loved this post. I am a long time off teenagers yet but I bet it comes before I am ready. I think back to being a teenager and that is why I am dreading it! Although having 2 boys I am hoping it might be easier ?!?! Good luck x
Tell me about it! I have three teens – girls aged 19 and 15 and my eldest son is 13. We have had lots of bumps – I try and the communication open and reiterate how much I love them, even if I don’t like their behaviour. Alcohol is a whole different ball game! Kaz x
I have another 6 years before my daughter reaches that age, by that stage you will be a certified expert (although it sounds like you are doing a fabulous job already!) and I know who to come to to ask for advice! 🙂
OOh emma I’m struggling with 11 I may resign before the teen years!
Oh this in spades Emma! It seems to be all about negotiation in my house at the moment. I know she’s doing really well at school, and I want to give her more space but…. *runs around screaming I DO sound just like my mum*
I’ll be watching your journy with interest. I can not yet even imagaine quite hw hard it will be to parent the kids as they get older. So many new situations to navigate. Well done on finding your way throught the maze. Mich x
My eldest is just 13 and I’m learning very quickly how much leeway I should give him before he chooses to be obnoxious or uncooperative. With a tween daughter going through puberty too, this year has been a huge learning curve.
I think I have been really lucky with my oldest. It has been so much easier knowing that he doesn’t want to drink – even now he’s done a few weeks at Uni. Maybe that will change but I am sure he will be sensible. Going out has only really meant the cinema etc so I have always known where he was. Not going to be so easier with my next teen though!
I have a 10 year old who thinks she is a teenager, so I dread to think what she will be like as a “real” teenager! I will be coming to you for tips!
I completely feel your pain and mine is only 13! It just seems like they want to grow up so quickly!
Og gosh, I can’t imagine how hard it is to let go! At least it should be easier with the younger two!! You’ll be able to give the rest of us advice. xx