It’s a horrible thing to prepare for, but it’s not uncommon for most mother’s to think that despite them giving all of themselves, they are simply not doing a good enough job. The core of this idea is a good one, but it becomes corrupted soon after. The core of said idea suggests that you care about your child or children deeply, that you would do anything for them, and sacrifice anything for them. It’s a healthy, beautiful thing to think that, and means your children are definitely prioritized in your life as they should be.
But this feeling can sometimes turn to upset, and worry. It can be pathologized. Sometimes you might convince yourself you are a bad mother, despite nothing really being wrong. Of course, it’s good to reflect on your behavior and consider if you might have approached a situation more calmly, or perhaps to take care of yourself more appropriately. But if you feel that nothing you can do is right, you might need to sit back and take stock of things. It’s unfortunately not uncommon for many women to feel this way, especially if their child is undergoing a struggle, or they are journeying through the parental process alone.
We only hope our advice can help you if you seem to be falling into this mindset:
Meet With Other Mothers
Even if you’re currently going through a range of difficulties in your parental process, it’s hardly as if you’re the only one experiencing this at all. Meeting with other mothers can help confirm this fact to you, but also help you become introduced to a platform in which these ideas are healthily discussed and supported. Simply attending one of these sessions might help you feel less alone after all. All mothers have their own challenges, of course, some more than others. But when we come together to discuss this and how we might improve on or accept certain problems, we feel as though progress is being made. This counteracts the one difficulty that can often turn mothers into nervous wrecks – the feeling of being trapped with no solution to a problem.
If you look online, you’ll likely find a range of motherhood groups, but they needn’t only be focused with discussing parental needs. Simply having a friend with similar interests and in a similar position can help. Posting online to motherhood forums, or potentially attending a local mothers-only reading group can help you remain in the presence of other parents, without having to simply talk about it all the time. These groups are often arranged within the conveniences of the parental lifestyle, such as in the hours of kindergarten or in the midst of the day after other children have gone to school.
If there’s anyone who can relate to you, it is other mothers. While of course it might be that your male colleague at work can provide you some warm discussion and friendship, and despite their best and most welcoming intentions, they can never truly understand the experience of a mother, because that is physically impossible. As such, finding some of your own, but not forcing it, could help you grow and accept yourself more.
Report To A Professional
There are times when the difficulty of raising children turns from less of a healthy and necessary challenge to something that drains you to the core. It’s not uncommon for this to lead to a range of odd behavioral traits or mental stresses, and if you keep everything bottled up, the possibility of snapping under the pressure isn’t out of the question. This means it’s very important to keep in touch with yourself, but more importantly if you’re having trouble, keep in touch with a professional.
It can often feel like an admission of defeat when visiting a professional to help you with your worries. But that’s not the case. In fact, it’s actually a great statement of strength and self-honesty. Who’s stronger – the person who can forgo their pride and admit they have a problem or issue they are having trouble handling? Or the person who keeps it all quiet and lets it affect them? We needn’t even give an answer. But of course, the flipside here is that admitting you have an issue is the opposite of ‘losing your pride.’ It actually, quite dramatically, helps you gain it back in a truthful manner.
A professional might be able to help you find out that which is bothering you and potentially give you the tools for a light fix. Some might refer you to more specialist services. No matter what, working on your effort this way will help your overall parental ability. You might need careful attention, or you might simply need to learn new methods to overcome your self-doubt and remain more present.
Love The Process
If you’re attentive to your process of parenthood, it’s likely you’re in love with it, and you care for it. If you have those three things, who’s to say you’re a bad parent? Action, attention and care is all you need to employ as a parent, so long as you’re balancing it with the right amount of self care. This sounds easier said than done, and a simplification of the entire process. To a certain degree, that analysis isn’t totally incorrect. But of course, how can you expect to be a good mother if you don’t try to enjoy it, or think it’s simply always going to be a grim duty you have to bear?
For example, simply getting out of the ‘should’ loop and sprinkling in some ‘want’ can go a long way. But what could we possibly mean by this? Well, it’s rather simple when you think about it. If every day is the same for you, you’re likely going to be burned out much more quickly. Why not consider heading to the local swimming pool and entering in a ‘Mom’s and Baby’ swimming lesson? You might gain some comforting physical tips and slowly help your child build strength.
It might be that you celebrate milestones, too. For example, knowing the baby growth milestones and understanding what they mean can help you rejoice knowing that your baby is developing well, or can help you find a means to settle or address your worries if your baby isn’t quite developing as expected. Taking pictures of your child (although avoid putting them on social media!) can help you embarrass them when they bring home their first boy or girlfriend in sixteen or so years. Spending time expressing your thoughts in the form of a journal, or playing with them can help you appreciate the precious moments that any parent can enjoy. In other words, while parental life has a range of necessary elements of checking tasks off the list, you are allowed to have fun, you know. A little fun can go a long way. After all, having a child isn’t some horrible duty you are chained to. It’s likely you wanted one of your own volitions, so don’t allow the stresses to overcome your core positivity. If you’re busy enjoying yourself and taking care of your baby, you won’t have time to worry about if you’re good enough, because everyday you’ll be confirming to yourself, and more importantly your child, that you are.
Motherhood is not easy. It can be fraught with challenge and a low-level set of worries that will remain with you forever. But with these tips, we hope that you can view and appreciate this process in a healthier, less frantic manner.
Disclosure: Collaborative Post