Over the past decade or so, it’s become a lot easier to talk about death in Britain. That famous stiff upper lip has waned somewhat as we’ve embraced more holistic and spiritual attitudes towards our final days on this earth.
This change in attitudes has also made a difference in how we choose to celebrate those precious last days and the final event that brings closure to a lifetime of memories.
Britons are not precisely known as the most emotional people on the planet, at least not in public. Hence, it’s no surprise then that traditionally, our final memorials and funeral ceremonies have been pretty dour and stoic events; however, like so many other traditions and “lore”, are changing.
Younger generations are looking for meaningful ceremonies that celebrate the lives of their loved ones and help provide a sense of closure that’s more peaceful and easier on the spirit.
CELEBRATING LIFE, NOT MOURNING DEATH
The thing about death is its finality. It brings a bitter and often unplanned and sudden end to life and often unexpected and sudden end to a life and has a lasting impact on those left behind. Funerals have traditionally been the ceremony by which we all say our final goodbyes and in some way start the healing process.
Depending on one’s religious beliefs, the traditional British funeral comprises a church or religious service, followed by a burial or cremation and the wake. Then, everyone moves on, leaving the bereaved to begin the process of healing. This can be a daunting and terrifying prospect, especially for elderly parents or grandparents.
So now, innovating funeral homes and services have started reimagining how that process looks and feels and have created gardens of remembrances. Far be it just for fallen heroes or “unnamed soldiers”, now companies that specialise in these services are turning ashes into plantable pots that will grow into trees or other plants, creating a permanent reminder for those gone before us. Not only is this an excellent way to plant a tree, but it’s a great way to create a permanent space for reflection, introspection and prayer. It is celebrating the life of your loved one instead of mourning the loss – good for the environment, incredible for the soul.
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” – Irish Proverb.
ASHES TO…DIAMONDS
Trees, plants and beautiful gardens may be solutions or answers to some of us, but let’s be honest, in life as in death, diamonds are a girls (and increasingly a boys) best friend. One of those ideas makes one think, “now why didn’t I think of that”.
As we embrace more holistic and some might argue healthier attitudes towards death, its morbidity is waning too, and now one can invest in cremation jewellery. A gorgeous range of pendants and necklaces, bracelets and more that let you store a little of your loved ones ashes in specially made pieces that you can wear on your person forever, a stunningly beautiful way to preserve their memory and keep a little of them with you for a lifetime.
And if you want to up the ante as it were, there are even companies now that can turn ashes into diamonds as a gorgeous piece that becomes an heirloom and legacy piece in and of itself.
THE SKIES ARE THE LIMIT
If your favourite human had a particularly unique lust for life and enjoyed the celebration of it all, then this must be one of the most remarkable ways to bid a fond farewell to your loved one. A company in the UK called Heavenly Stars turns your loved ones ashes into fireworks for a once-in-a-lifetime send-off. Featured on the BBC, they have a range of products that can celebrate your loved one uniquely and excitingly that will light up the night sky with a lifetime of memories.
SAYING FAREWELL IN A FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS
Lantern farewells have been increasing in popularity of late as an eco-friendly and profoundly emotional tribute to that final journey. Your guests are invited to a farewell ceremony and offered a lantern that contains a small amount of your loved one’s ashes. As the lanterns are lit, often combined with a farewell ceremony, the heat generated by the small flames is sufficient to raise them into the night sky before they burn up and with them the ashes of your beloved too, disappearing into the night—an exquisite way to bring closure to a life well-lived.
IF THE OCEAN WAS YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE, MAKE IT YOUR RESTING PLACE
A company in the United States will take your ashes, turn them into an eco-friendly “ball”, and attach this to an existing reef or a reef being grown. Over time, this ball will attract life, become a part of the reef, and eventually become a permanent fixture into a beautiful reef that will last for a lifetime. This is one of our favourites as in the tree planting ceremony; it’s a process that creates a new life from your old one.
JAZZ BURIALS IN NEW ORLEANS
Now we’re talking! Of course, you’ll have to apply for permission to be buried in the United States if you’re not an American, but this is relatively easily obtained. Most burials in New Orleans take place in mausoleums above ground, as the water table is so high in the city that if you dig too deep, the coffins will just “float”, a problem compounded when hurricane season arrives.
But back to the “fun stuff”. Jazz Burials in New Orleans have a longstanding tradition, dating back to around 1819. The thing about this type of burial is that it gives true meaning to the thought of “celebration”, not mourning. Depending on your religious beliefs, you may need to discuss your particular spiritual ideas with the funeral director as elements of the Voodoo religion often work into these types of funerals.
PERSONALISED BLOWN GLASS
A recent innovation in glass blowing has made it possible for specially trained glass blowers to incorporate some of the ashes of your loved ones into gorgeous glass pieces that you can form into functional pieces like vases or bowls, or jewellery. The options are stunning. Glass also has a special significance because as much as it’s a reasonably fragile element, it’s also relatively durable, creating an exciting dynamic in the processing of the passing of a loved one.
BRINGING COLOUR BACK TO FUNERALS
Funerals by design are pretty dour and heartwrenching events, so many younger Brits are starting to ditch the black and bring colour back into funerals. In fact, before the Victoria days, it wasn’t that uncommon for mourners to use colour as a means to celebrate mourning. They would often bring huge bunches of flowers (and they were not just for the funeral, but also because bathing wasn’t that much of a “thing” at the time).
“Death is not extinguishing the light. It is putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.”
- Rabindranath Tagore, writer and artist
THEMED SERVICES
Many families are choosing to celebrate the lives of their departed in ways that are congruent with how they lived, and this is where things are getting very interesting indeed. Everything goes, it seems as mourners are invited to dress in rock n roll themed dress, “vanity fair” themed ceremonies, and lavish Versailles themed funeral processions complete with scripted “scenes” and actors playing out specific roles.
Whichever way you decide to celebrate the end of this journey as far as your loved one is concerned is a discussion that you should probably have before the event. It’s never going to be a “fun” chat or a conversation that anyone wants to have, but far too many of us are caught unawares, and in the melee of mourning and grief, it’s hard to start then planning how all of this is going to pan out.
LIVING WILLS
For those reasons mentioned earlier, more people are choosing to write living wills, and far from what the name suggests, it doesn’t apply to the “living.” Instead, it is a set of instructions that pertain to certain conditions. For example, if you want to be resuscitated in a hospital or not, how long you want to be kept on life support if at all (taking that painful decision away from your partner, friends or children) and, increasingly – what you’d like your funeral ceremony to look like.
Think of how hard it was for you the last time that you lost someone special to you; that’s what your loved ones are going to feel like when the time comes for you, so the more straightforward that you can make it for them, the more peace they’ll get to have and the more manageable your passing will be on you.
The Great British public is changing our attitudes from the traditional and dour to the vibrant and holistic, and the way we approach death is part of those changes.
However, you choose to do it; we hope that your family and friends the peace and love that they need to make it through these difficult times.
