Self-isolation. Social distancing. They’re terms that sound incredibly ominous. They have some rather distressing connotations which can actually exacerbate an already difficult time for many. Yes, staying away from others is important right now as we strive to flatten the infection curve, protect ourselves and others and lighten the strain on the NHS. Nonetheless, all that distancing can come at the expense of our mental health. The shutdown has already resulted in a nationwide spike in anxiety and depression as we all try to grapple with our new normality. Yet, while we may be distancing ourselves, we need to remember that we’re not alone. Our friends, family and (in some cases) spouses are out there right now going through the exact same thing.
Here we’ll look at some ways in which you can help them feel loved and supported in this difficult and uncertain moment in history.
Why your friends matter now more than ever (and vice versa)
There are times when isolation is good for us. It helps us to gain perspective on our problems and encourages us to enjoy our own company. There are many of us for whom solitude is important and sharing a crowded home with the whole family for 23 hours a day is becoming a struggle in and of itself.
However, our friendship networks play a vital role in maintaining our mental health. Our friends accept us for who we are. They don’t need us in the same way that our spouses and kids do, and we have more control over how they perceive us. As such, we feel more like we can be ourselves around friends (or the versions of ourselves that we want to be) even more so than our loved ones and kids.
In this digital age, we have plenty to keep us entertained and distracted. We have access to more films, TV programs, music and games than we could ever consume in a hundred lockdowns. However, while easy access to so much entertainment can be comforting, it can also exacerbate our mental health problems. We need genuine human connection more than we need clever serialised storytelling or bombastic blockbusters. Whenever we talk to our nearest and dearest friends, it gives us the much needed hit of endorphins- the brain’s feel good chemicals- which makes the lockdown all the more bearable.
You’ve never needed your friends more than right now.
But by that same token, they also need you just as much. Let’s not forget that the coronavirus has already cost us over 13,000 souls in the UK alone at the time of writing. You may be lucky enough to have not been personally affected by the virus. You may be luckier still not to have lost anyone close to you to it. Your friends, however, may not have been so lucky. They may be desperate for a shoulder to cry on. However, during this uncertain time when virtually all of us are plagued by worry and anxiety, they may be reticent to get in touch with you, or anyone else, to vent. Nobody wants to be a burden to anyone else. However, your phone call, video chat or message has the potential to brighten their day.
Across the world, but still on your mind
In the current lockdown climate, it’s very easy to feel distanced from the friends you love, even if they live in the same postcode as you. For those living and working overseas, however, it can be even more anxiety riddled and upsetting.
You may have friends for whom their new home has become hostile and scary to navigate. They may be finding it harder to muddle through in a country where the languages and customs are still unclear to them. They may be missing you and their other friends and family terribly.
Thank goodness, digital technology can come to your rescue here. In the age of video chat and home VoIP (Voice over internet Protocol) you can chat away with friends overseas to your heart’s content without needing to spend a fortune on overseas call charges.
If you have friends who are living and working overseas, try and reach out to them as a matter of priority. You have no idea how much seeing your face could make their day.
Schedule your calls and video chat
It’s nice to get the urge to spontaneously call a friend out of the blue. But people don’t always have the chance to chat when you’re ready. So do your best to fit your chats around their schedule as much as you can. If you know your friends have newborn children, you might want to schedule a call or video chat for a time when you know the little ones will be sleeping. Put the feelers out via text message and arrange a time that’s mutually convenient.
Scheduling your calls and video chats also allows you to prioritise your most potentially vulnerable friends and arrange follow up calls to see how they’re getting on. Best of all, you’ll never have to endure the awkwardness of calling someone just as they’re about to have their dinner or climb into the bath.
There’s really no such thing as a bad way to keep in touch. However, you and your friends may both benefit by keeping the conversation away from social platforms and within more intimate means of communication.
Social media certainly has its place, but overreliance on social platforms can slowly start to warp our sense of perspective and actually be detrimental to our mental health. Even if you have a great relationship with social media, some of your friends may not. They may associate it with anxiety, envy, upset and FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). So take the conversation to them, in whatever format they’re most comfortable with.
Get the kids (yours and theirs) involved
You’re not the only one missing your friends. Your kids may be missing them, too. With that in mind, what could be more adorable than sending them a video message made by your little one. What’s more, if your friends are new parents, they’ll likely benefit from your experience when it comes to how to best care for their baby. Make sure they know that they can always come to you for help and advice. At the same time, however, not all of us are the same when it comes to our kids. Some new parents want to talk about nothing but babies, while others will yearn for the opportunity to talk or think about anything else.
Your friends’ kids can also lead to an opportunity to do something special which can brighten up their day. Which brings us to…
Write a letter or send a package
Who doesn’t love receiving a parcel in the post? No matter how old we get, receiving a parcel makes us feel like it’s every childhood birthday and Christmas rolled into one. Why not give your friends and their little ones a delightful surprise, like some baby gifts in the post? Of course, your single and childless friends might benefit from a gift, too. It can be something small like a book you know they’ll love or something big like signing them up to a wine club.
Even if you don’t have the budget to send a gift, sending a letter can be one of the most beautiful and meaningful gifts you can give. In this digital age, the art of letter writing is in danger of being overlooked. However, corresponding via letters can be extremely therapeutic and beneficial for your friends and for you.
Support them however you can
The COVID-19 lockdown has been indiscriminate in the economic and sociological damage that it has done. Many of us are out of work, because our employers could no longer afford to keep us. Even if we haven’t lost our jobs altogether, we may have been placed on unpaid furlough. Freelancers and the self-employed may face a significantly diminished income because their clients have either gone out of business, suspended their operations or been forced to make significant cuts. At the very least we may have to take a pay cut while grappling with the logistics of working from home.
If you’re lucky enough to have avoided all of that, you may be in a position to help someone who’s struggling financially. Of course, you may have friends who are proud and will refuse a financial gift if it’s offered directly. Fortunately, there are lots of ways in which you can gift money anonymously.
Gaming get togethers
Of course, social media and video chat aren’t the only fun ways in which you can get together with friends while social distancing. The realm of video games has recently proven extremely successful in uniting friends. Animal Crossing: New Horizons has proven a particular hit with players of all kinds. You can visit friends on the islands that they’ve made, chat, explore together and gift one another items in game. A wholesome and adorable way to spend your free time in each other’s company.
How will you show your friends that you love them while in lockdown?
