Guilt is an emotion we all experience at some point of time in our lives- whether it is forgetting a friend’s birthday or indulging in a huge slice of chocolate cake and then ditching your diet altogether. Those guilty feelings are okay, but what is not okay is to feel guilty about doing what’s best for you, and if you’re someone who’s struggling with that too, here’s something to help. Read on…
One thing I hear people ask is why do I feel bad for doing what’s best for me? Basically, it is because we have been trained to not consider our own needs as important. Most of us have trained ourselves in this belief that we should put others first or that our well-being is not as important as others.
Well, let me tell you that is simply wrong and we can’t fill from an empty cup! This means that when we don’t look after ourselves we can’t look after others, therefore we should not have guilty thoughts or listen to our own negative self-talk. The first step to dropping the guilt is acknowledging it exists and then work from there.
People experience guilt for many reasons and the problem with this is that it has a negative impact on our own well-being. Guilt sits within us and stops us from doing things. We have this kind of guilt because we don’t believe we are worth more.
If you were scrolling social media and saw a friend who was having a hard time saying that they were overwhelmed, tired or feeling generally bluerghh what would you suggest? You’d probably tell them to switch off for a bit, have a bath, or do something that makes them feel good. Yet how often do you give yourself that advice?
We are obsessed with being busy, with to do lists, with schedules, we wear being busy like a badge that validates us. Why then can we suggest to others to take some time but not give ourselves the same self-love? Try these positive things listed below to change that mindset and erase the excessive guilt!
Appreciate Yourself
Gratitude can really change your life for the better, but don’t just be grateful for everything that you’ve been given- be grateful for yourself too. Appreciate yourself more often than you usually do- give yourself enough credit and treat yourself just a little bit better. Focus more on your accomplishments and achievements and celebrate them, and don’t let the attitude and opinions of other people matter so much.
I have just bought The Happiness Planner to help with this and by clicking my link – you can get £5 off your planner also. Being happy is so important so don’t feel guilty for doing what’s best for you. Instead, replace the guilt trips with positive thoughts.
A huge shift changer was when someone said to me that I would never treat others the way I treat myself. That tiny saying has blown my mind ever since and I have been working hard on being as kind to myself as I am to others.
Open Up About Your Needs
One of the simplest steps to avoid feeling guilty about prioritizing yourself is to open up to good friends and family about what makes you happy, and what you truly want from life. If you need some time alone, say it. If you feel that spending some time close to nature is what revitalises you, say it. Learn to honour and value yourself- because unless you don’t do it, no one else will. If we do this then we also normalise asking for what we need for others which will help them too. So next time you need something speak up it helps remove negative emotions or feeling frustrated because our needs are not being met.
Say No
Learning to say ‘no’ is probably one of the hardest things to do, and a lot of us struggle with that even today. We end up spreading ourselves too thin and just can’t say no to anyone, because even if we think of doing it, we end up feeling guilty. If that sounds like you, remember that you can’t be everything to everyone.
If you keep saying yes to things that you don’t want to do or don’t have to do, you’ll end up losing time and energy to do things that you actually have to do. A clever person said to me that just because you can do something doesn’t mean that you have to do it. We need to treat ourselves like we treat others so don’t feel guilty for doing what’s best for you. Remember you are not a bad person if you say no, in fact, you are putting healthy boundaries in place that makes you a good person and it is the only way to thrive.
Prioritise
Prioritise the things in your life that you feel you’re struggling with- decide what’s truly important to you and what really makes you happy, and commit yourself to doing more of it. Mentally decide how much and what you’re willing to do and what you can’t- yes it is okay to not be able to do something. You’re human after all!
If that helps, make a list of things you do for yourself and for others on a daily basis, and see what can be eliminated. Doing this will make you realize that there are certain things that are okay to be not bothered with, and that you were pressurizing yourself unnecessarily.
Your quality of life is important and doing fewer things but to high standards is just as important. You can make a real difference in specific situations without having to do everything for all people.
Spend Some Time Alone
This one may be last on the list, but it is super duper important too! Make it a point to spend some time alone everyday- even if it is for just 15 minutes. During those 15 minutes, just relax and unwind and don’t stress yourself over the tasks you still have to do. Give yourself these 15 minutes to recharge- we promise you’ll end up feeling loads better afterwards. This really helps with any feelings of anxiety too, as it is a time to read, and reflect basically to restore yourself however you need.
Spend Time with Friends
I am a firm believer in taking time to be yourself with friends and especially a best friend, this is especially true if you are a parent. I value a couple of weekends away with friends in the year. Whether it is a fun night in London or a mini-break abroad where you get to relax in the sun just make sure you pack your sunglasses, EOS lip balm, which come in an array of new holiday limited edition flavours and flip flops. It just gives you time for some fun and relaxation and the opportunity to remember who you are and what you want out of life.
A great tip is to book time with friends just like you would a work meeting then you don’t end up leaving seeing friends to chance.
Once you start doing this, you’ll realise that it is important for you to take care of your own needs too, and when you do it, it isn’t something to feel guilty about.
