Teenage years can be challenging years. This is the time when teens want to assert themselves as independent human beings. They do not like to be told what to do. They are curious. They think they are indestructible. They want to try everything in life. Sure, some go on to do amazing things during this time. Parents get it rough while trying to help their teenagers navigate this phase of life. Most teenagers never tell their parents all of what is going on in their lives. So, how then do you communicate with them? How do you establish a real connection? The tips in this article might come in handy in supporting how to talk to a teenager.
Keep your eyes open for changes in behaviour
When your teenager starts isolating him/herself, something might be off. You should be on the lookout to understand what is going on in their lives. They might not be too keen to talk about it and that’s why you should be cautious. If you push too much they will think you are invading their space.
When your teen starts behaving weirdly, they could be going through a rough patch in their lives. If you decide to ask them about this change, be very supportive, non-judgmental, and caring. Do not assume you know what is wrong. Tell them you have noticed they are not their usual selves and you would like to know if something is bothering them.
Listen to them, and be attentive
Instead of bombarding them with questions about what is happening in their lives, take time to listen to them keenly. Learning how to talk to a teenager means learning how to listen too. They may not like the idea of being forced to open up about stuff they consider private. Reach out to them but be proactive about it. Do not push or pressure them to share. Just offer them an olive branch, make them understand you care about them, and most teens will open up about stuff that happens in their daily life.
Try to understand them, even when it’s tough for you
Before you talk with your teenager, come from a place of understanding. You might not fully understand, or agree with their opinions but remember the primary goal is to get them to talk. If they feel you are fishing for a confrontation, they will button up and retreat to their cocoon. Maybe they are facing social challenges in school and you are pressuring them to do or say something against their will. If you took the time to understand them first, maybe you can find common ground.
Offer constructive feedback
Your teenager will be very sensitive, reacting to the smallest hint of criticism. You have taken the time to listen to them, and now it is your chance to offer them advice. If you do not have something constructive to say, take time out and tell them to give you some time to think about the issue. If they did something wrong, do not be fast to jump to conclusions. Take your time, think about everything you discussed, and then offer honest and constructive advice.
Ask for their opinion
This is particularly important if it is something that affects their way of life. For instance, your teenager may struggle with waking up in the morning. Instead of yelling at them, have an honest discussion and ask them about how they think the problem can be solved. You are likely going to inspire more cooperation this way, rather than engaging them in a confrontation. Maybe they are going through a difficult time that makes it hard for them to wake up early.
Put yourself in their shoes
Being a teenager today is way different from your teenage years and if you think back your parents / carers probably asked how to talk to teenagers too! Technological advancements, social and cultural interactions have changed drastically. It is hard to keep up with all the trends popping up every day. Your teenagers certainly think you come from the Old Age. The challenges facing a teenager today are different from the challenges other teenagers faced 20 years ago. If you want to connect with your teenager today, allow them to teach you some of the things they know. This will help you understand them better so that you know how to assist them the right way.
Treat them as adults
You should tone the parenting instincts a bit when talking to your teenager. Remember that they are trying to assert their independence from you. When you treat them as kids, you will just be encouraging them to shut off more. You were a teen once and you know how you would have loved to be treated. This is your chance to communicate with your teens. Do not criticize what they do, or the friends they keep, even if you do not like them.
Listen to their explanations and justifications on why they think something works best for them. This is a great way of helping them escape bullying, peer pressure, or drug use. Do not make the mistake of being too friendly though. Remember you are their parent, and they are looking for a sober and stable guide, who is also easily approachable.
Set boundaries
You should set boundaries and routines for your kids. As they grow up to become teenagers, they are already accustomed to the kind of expectations you have for them. Be firm but fair when exerting consequences for breaking these boundaries.
Show them trust
Teenagers may be rebellious but they are constantly hoping not to disappoint their parents. Because of this reason, learn how to trust them. Give them responsibilities and do not micromanage them. This shows that you trust them. Whenever they do something right, give them praise. Everyone loves being congratulated and recognized for their efforts.
Find stuff to do together
Do you have something in common with your teenagers? Is there something fun you can do together? This would be a great bonding moment that can easily turn into a conversation moment. When you are both in a good mood, striking a conversation will be easy. Let them come up with all the great ideas for having family fun and you will have all the cooperation you need from them.
