Happiness is often classed as a state of mind and raising happy teenagers is really important. We cannot expect to be happy all the time but we should ensure that teenage life is a positive experience in which teenagers and young people learn how to be happy as this sets them up for the future
The teen years and teenage life are difficult years for both parents and adolescents, I have been through it twice already and my third child is fast approaching the teen years. For me, one of my parenting tips is to have very clear expectations and I set these using our house rules for teenagers.
I have been writing about parenting teens and teenage life for the past 7 or so years and in that time I have written about puberty in boys, about porn, about GCSE’s, A-Levels, drinking, clubbing, shall I leave my teen overnight, and saying goodbye when your teen goes to university, I have been there already. The advice listed in this article will help parents cope with teenage life and share my experiences of raising happy teenagers and happy people.
Raising happy, healthy teenagers can be a difficult task but a study conducted for the World Health Organisation found that a healthy lifestyle increases teenage happiness. The key to happy teenagers is to know how to deal with the many situations that arise effectively and properly. The following list encompasses some of these pitfalls and common problems and I will discuss the best way to handle the teenage years. I have worked with teenagers all my working life and consider myself a teenage parenting expert I taught A Level’s, GCSE’s and was a sixth form tutor long before my own kids hit the teenage life! My thoughts come from wide-ranging experiences not just my own parenting of two teenagers.
The first step to raising happy teenagers is to understand that you won’t get it right all of the time, so cut yourself some slack. The teen years are hard going with peer pressure, exams, puberty and more. There is so much in the media about the mental health of teenagers, and whilst it is true that some will have a hard time, the vast majority of teens will get through it without too much long lasting damage.
Tips for Raising Happy Teenagers
Parenting teenagers is a hard path to follow and it is definitely a case of picking your battles and knowing when to step in and when to leave them to it but the good news is that we can all pick up tips from others and implement them in our parenting styles.
Do not threaten
Threats made to teenagers, children and little kids, on the whole, are ineffective. The problem is that these threats are made when the parents are angry. When things calm down they are forgotten and are not followed through. If this happens on numerous occasions the teenagers will not take these threats seriously and will still do the undesirable behaviour and ignore the parent. Parents should only make threats if they can follow through with them. It’s always better to talk things through calmly with them and get them professional help from counsellors and services like https://addictionsuk.com for example, if they have an issue you cannot deal with alone.
Praise your teenager
You can boost your teenager’s happiness with praise and encouragement, clear rules and boundaries. As a rule of thumb, you should praise five times for every negative thing you say. I am not an advocate of praising for praise sakes, it has to be meaningful and genuine. If my kids walk the dog I make sure that I say thank you loudly and clearly as they walk in the house. Noticing these things matter and make for happy teenagers!
Goals
We all want our teenagers to succeed. The goals that are set, however, need to be realistic. If the goals are too lofty, discouragement and apathy will be the result. Parents need to focus on effort versus achievement. If the effort is made and the adolescent achieves the goal, praise is in order. If the goal isn’t achieved, but the effort was present encouragement should be offered to maintain the effort. If the effort is lacking, discussions should surround exerting the effort necessary to achieve success.
Give plenty of attention
Give your teenager attention. For example, go to watch them playing a sport, send them a friendly text message or just give a special smile. I have started driving my son to sixth form rather than using the bus and the advantage of this is that I get 20 mins a day with just him in the car. We chat about all sorts whilst I have him held captive and it definitely has brought us closer in terms of a daily catch up, I get to hear about his school day, his friends and teenage life in general.
One thing that I have noticed is that over the years we have fallen into the habit of my husband supporting Dylan’s football and I take the girls to dance and hockey. Whilst this seemed natural as Lee enjoys football and I enjoy hockey it means that both of us are only seen as supporting the same gender, therefore we are making an effort to mix things up and take turns taking the kids to their extracurricular hobbies and clubs.
Studies have shown that even an hour on social media can negatively impact a teenager’s mood and impede social connections, so imagine what an entire day of social media exposure can do. This doesn’t mean banning social media completely, but it does mean having conversations with your child about how much time should be spent on social media and finding ways to get teens to unplug completely, reduce screen time and live in the moment. Even though they might initially resist, your happy teens may thank you for it in the future.
Irresponsible behaviour
Teenagers need to learn responsible behaviour. If they are hurtful, fighting with them isn’t the answer. The point of their lack of disrespect or lack of action can easily be corrected if the parent incorporates strategies designed to drive home the point of their irresponsibility.
If they forget to make dinner, the parent could go out to eat, leaving the teenager at home to fend for themselves. If their behaviour is hurtful, refusing to grant them a favour when they request it is the key to resolution. Fighting and overreaction aren’t appropriate. Subtle techniques in response to minor transgressions are the answer. This non-confrontational approach works wonders for me.
Privacy
All parents are concerned about the welfare of their teens. Parents shouldn’t eavesdrop on conversations, read diaries or go through drawers and closets. Parents should instead talk over important issues with their teens and encourage independent thinking. At the heart of the matter is trust and an invasion of privacy will encourage the keeping of secrets.
Teenagers should feel that they could be at ease discussing issues that may arise in their lives that they are unable to resolve themselves. It can be hard to step back and give them that responsibility but it is important that we allow our teenage children the space to grow. Taking this approach will definitely improve happiness levels in the home for everyone as sneaking around does not promote good relationships.
Healthy lifestyle
Raising happy teenagers today requires a healthy lifestyle in addition to a healthy mindset. Teenagers often naturally stay up late whether that is gaming, watching video games or watching TV but sleep is vital for happiness. Try to encourage good sleep habits in your teenagers. They need about 8-10 hours of sleep each night.
Encourage your child to make healthy food choices to fuel their growth and development. Help your child keep a healthy balance between study, work and play every single day. This might mean looking at how many nights your child is out doing things, how much downtime they have, how much they can contribute to family life through chores, how many family meals you have together and so on.
Perhaps, most crucially, you should check on what your teenage child eats. This includes all meals from breakfast and lunch to dinner and snacks. Teens need healthy food because they are still growing, and food can help them build better and healthier bodies, especially after physical activity.
Healthy eating at this young age can also decrease the chances of getting chronic illnesses such as diabetes and cancer. Their bodies are constantly changing, and whatever they feed on can have positive or negative impacts.
As a parent, it is, therefore, your primary duty to ensure they eat good food. If your teenage child has lactose intolerance, ensure you know what foods to prepare and other measures to take. If they have particular food allergies, ensure that you also know what they should not take to avoid upsetting the allergic symptoms.
Teach your child how to make healthy food choices so that even when they are out with friends, they will remain disciplined about what they put in their mouth.
Safe Spaces
I have tried to make my house a safe space for a group of teenagers, my kids know that they can bring friends home and there will be no judgement. We also have an agreed word that they can contact me at any time and say the word and I will be there. No questions will be asked, I will just get them out of the situation that they have found themselves in. I have also encouraged my teenagers to think about who they can turn to if they ever need help or support.
Other older adults can also be invaluable when raising happy teenagers. This could be other parents of teenagers, a teacher, youth workers, godparents anyone who helps create a positive environment for our young adults.
Allow for failure
Protecting one’s children is important. They shouldn’t, however, be coddled and isolated from failure. Instead of dictating to them how things should be done, parents should allow their teens to choose between different choices. If, for example, they constantly complain about their cleaning chores, give them the choice of doing it themselves or hiring a person to do it for them, with their own money, spend time to build positive relationships as it makes parenting easier!
If they choose the latter, they will soon come to realise that they will not have as much money to spend on other things. They will realize that the choice they made was not the right one and they’ll learn from that failure.
Some other advice to heed would be for parents to allow their teens to talk uninterrupted and to listen attentively to what their children have to say. Parents also need to be honest about their feelings when questions are asked by their teenagers and not be afraid to speak the truth.
Of course, every situation and every child/parent relationship is unique. Allowing for honesty in one’s feelings, encouraging independent thought, allowing your teenager to make choices and to allow them to fail and learn from their failure is paramount to their maturity into adulthood.
We have no manual but parenting teenagers can be so rewarding as we watch our children grow and develop. Teenage life isn’t always easy but nothing rarely is! We just do our best.
We hope these tips on raising happy teenagers will help you with your parent-teen relationship and help you all to have a happy life.
